Walk the Line (Kings of Chaos 5)

“Whoa.”

I smile down at her. “Yeah. You good?” I ask cautiously.

She grins. “Yes. I am.” Her eyes turn as round as quarters. “I am!”

I take the keys from her, hit unlock, and open her door. “Next time we’ll work on that ride.”

“Tell me one thing that’ll prove you aren’t too good to be true.”

“Being in a motorcycle club isn’t enough?”

She shakes her head.

“I’ve never known either of my parents. My dad got himself wasted, and my mother got life in prison with no parole. I was raised by my grandmother until I was two and she died of a heart attack. Then I went into the system where I stayed until I hit eighteen. Then I never looked back.”

“I’m sorry.”

?

?We all have a past, and not all of its pretty.”

She climbs up into her seat and nods. “Thank you for sharing that.”

“You feel better?” I ask leaning in toward her.

“Yeah, I actually do.”

“I don’t tell that story to anyone, B. What we have going on is rare. I don’t claim to understand it, but I’m not going to let you go. Not until we see this thing through.”

“And how will we know when that is?” she whispers.

“Maybe the question is if it’ll ever happen.” I brush my lip against hers, and the sparks ignite. This woman has some kind of magic inside her to have me feeling this way. I pull back and run my knuckles down the side of her face. “Text me when you get home.”

“Okay.”

I put the keys in the tumbler and turn. The car comes to life, and I take a step back. I’m used to waiting for things. I can deny myself in order to win her. She needs me to go slow, and I have no clue what I’m doing. I talk a good game. The flirting is easy. Anything beyond that. Something real is out of my range. So the holding pattern benefits us both.

I step back and watch as she pulls out of the parking lot. I run my hand through my hair. I’m in deep and sinking fast. How the hell am I going to keep her from running away screaming? My life is anything but normal, and my mind is warped. I don’t think like most people. A combination of both the world I knew before joining the Kings of Chaos and the one that came after. It’s a matter of time before she sees me for who I truly am. A smarter man would walk away. But I never claimed to be a scholar. I shove my hands into my pocket and walk to my bike. The road will take away my worries, the way it always does.

Chapter Five

Blanche

I shove the laptop away from me and stand from the desk. My brain is jammed full of updated laws and requirements to practice in San Diego. Can I really do this? I’m not sure. The pressure to be okay when I feel like the sky can fall on me any second has my chest tightening. I’m a great actress. It’s a skill I had to perfect being the wife of Brooks Birling. No matter what was occurring at home, I had to be on point when out an about. The doting wife with an easy smile, chic sense of style, and sugary sweet attitude.

These days I’m pretending I’m okay. Dr. Adams is pleased with my thoughts about the future. She says thinking of going back to work is a sign of healing. I think it’s setting myself up for a huge disappointment. I haven’t forgotten the mini freak out when Jagger asked to take me on a ride. Hell, I’m embarrassed. My face heats. He responded so well. I have to wonder if he’s seen someone have panic attacks before. There’s a lot I don’t know about the man, but I don’t dare ask too much.

Because If I do, he’ll expect the same. I threw my story into the mix to push him away. I should’ve known it’d take more than a case of attempted murder to scare a biker. I can’t get him out of my head. We text nearly daily, and I see him once or twice a week. It’s a good place for us, but I find myself wanting more. I like the way he makes me feel. With Jagger, I’m more than the woman who almost met her maker at the hands of her husband. I can see the attraction in the depths of his ridiculous hazel-colored eyes. It feels good to be wanted and appreciated.

I don’t remember the last time I felt that way. With Brooks, I was a trophy. I waited on the shelf until I was needed. Then I was shined up and paraded to anyone in the near vicinity. Our sex had become mediocre and sporadic. In the end, I’d been celibate for over six months. There’s nothing like the suspicion of infidelity to cool your ardor.

I knew when he left me alone; he was getting sex from someone else. His sex drive had always been healthy. I shake my head, exasperated by the path my mind is traveling. Everything leads back to Brooks. He was my first serious boyfriend, the only man I ever loved, and the taker of my virginity. There was no escaping him. The best way to get over one man is to get under another. I’d heard the phrase. It sounded tacky at the time, but I get it now.

It’s impossible to move forward when your brain is full of those old memories. I pick up my cell phone. It’s a dangerous game I’m playing, replacing one thing with the other. But I can’t stop. Not when he silences the hateful voices that fill my skull. I need the relief only he can bring. My fingers are flying over the keys before I can talk myself out it.

You have time for me today? ~B

I get off work in an hour. Does that work? ~J