Walk the Line (Kings of Chaos 5)

“J,” She deadpans, clearly not amused.

“I told you we take our issues to the ring.”

“Wait. Warp did this?” Anger flashes in her eyes.

“Trust me if he wanted to, I’d be hurt a lot worse. This was just blowing off steam and clearing the air.”

“Yeah, there are these magical things called words that do the same thing.”

“Not for us.”

“You guys need a damn mediator then.” She scowls.

“We have one. The ring.”

“Men.” She huffs.

“Hey. You should see him. He’s got a black eye and a busted lip.”

“You’re proud of that aren’t you?”

“Hell yeah, the old man can box, and I held my own.”

“Let me get you some frozen peas to stop the swelling before it gets any worse.”

I plop onto the couch with my saddlebags at my feet. I dig into the bag and begin to sort through nearly a month’s worth of mail. Junk. Junk. Bill. Bill. Mysterious package. I hold the manila envelope between my fingers. I can’t think of a single person who’d know how to find me. I rip the top and find a letter folded into three parts. I open the letter and freeze when a picture of me, my grandmother and my mom fall out onto my lap. What the fuck? Who is this from? I glance down at the letter.

I’ve thought about what I’d say in this letter for years. I had the words memorize and ready to write down. But when I sit down, I draw a blank. My name is Karen Frances Ryan, and I’m your mother. This is a picture of me you and my mom, Doris when you were one, before your father was killed in the robbery and I received life with no parole for the murder of a guard. Good behavior and crowding gave me the opportunity to leave jail and re-enter society.

My heart jumps into my throat. She’s out? She looked me up? How the fuck did she find me? I stand and drop the letter like it’s on fire. Is she looking for someone to bum money from? Can I afford to not find out? I have a link to family.

“J?”

I peer down at Blanche.

“What happened?”

“My mom is out of jail.”

“What?”

“I just got a letter.”

“What did she say?”

“I don’t know I’m still trying to wrap my head around the first half,” I say bashfully. “Shit I thought she’d died years ago.”

I sit on the couch, and she hands me the peas. I close my eyes and place them over my left eye. She picks up the letter and hands it to me. I have to finish reading it.

You were the only thing on my mind. I had no clue where to find you or what had happened. I signed over my rights to my mom. When she passed, and you went into the system, it was the harshest wake-up call I’d ever been given. My piss poor decisions put you into a broken system. I used to blame your father. But that was part of my problem, never taking responsibility for my own actions. It’s part of the disease I have. Addiction. Like my father and your father. It’s an ugly thing that takes away your ability to think about anything else but your next score. Truth is, if I hadn’t landed in jail, heroin would’ve killed me.

Being in here gave me a lot of time to think about my life, where I went wrong, and what I would change. I have many regrets, but failing you is my number one. I spent the past year getting on my feet. It took time to land a job, and earn enough money to hire an investigator to hunt you down. I lost track of you after you left the system. You’ve been my angel. The saving grace that keeps me on the straight and narrow when I was overwhelmed by the switch to life in the real world.

I’d think about the moment I’d find you, wake up, and put one foot in front of the other. If we never meet and I never hear you from you. I needed you to know that. You’re the best thing I’ve ever done in my life. The only right decision I made. I’m sorry for the derailing I caused to happen in your life. There aren’t enough words to apologize for that, so I won’t pretend I expect this to bring about forgiveness. But I hope you’ll consider writing me back and starting a relationship. I’d like a chance to know the man you’ve become.

Yours,