Nevada’s eyes widen. “Are you for real? That’s something straight off the ID Channel.”
“Yeah. I know.” I cringe.
“Hey, judgment free zone here,” Ruth says.
I sigh, glad to have it off my chest. They don’t look at me differently as we move on to the next topic seamlessly. I’m finding my place in all areas of my life as I put myself back together and the mosaic I’m making is more beautiful than I could imagine. It’s incredible the breathtaking creations you can construct from broken slivers of glass, and souls.
Chapter Twelve
Freeze
It’s surreal sitting here at my desk at work and working on a letter to a woman I never knew, but wouldn’t be here without. I sat on this for a month, and all it did was stick in my craw. I want answers and information only she can give me.
Karen,
I’m not really sure what to say here. You’re right. I don’t know if I can ever fully forgive you, but I appreciate your apology and the fact that you owned up to your mistakes. I respect that in a person. It’s not easy to look at the bad choices we’ve made for what they are and see how they affected others. If you saw my records, you know I made a few wrong turns myself. I met a man in prison who gave me something better to live for. That’s why I ended up here in California.
I don’t know if I can give you what you want. Our relationship could never be a traditional mother/son dynamic. I been on my own too long, and frankly, I’m not interested. But there are things I want to know that only you can answer. I do want to see yo
u if only once. My memories of my childhood, Nana, and you and Dad have grown fuzzy. I’d like to have something more solid.
I’ll be able to clear my schedule in the coming months if you have time. I’m a rip the Band-Aid off kind of man, and I want to get this out of the way. Once we meet, we can decide the best way to proceed from there. If you’re agreeable to this, please let me know. If this is a ploy to try to extort money from me, I highly suggest you reconsider and not send a response letter. I’m not a man to be trifled with, and I have no sympathies to rely on.
While I may be made from half of your DNA, we both know I haven’t belonged to you nor you me in a long time.
Jagger
I end the letter with my name, unsure of what else there is to say, or the right way to conclude the passages. I slip the letter into the pre-addressed, stamp envelope and seal it shut. Karen made replying an easy thing to do. I want to believe the best, but people spent too many years showing me the worst they had to offer. The only thing I’ve ever known from my mother is pain. It’s a sad, fucked up situation. I put the letter in the pile of outgoing mail and rise. I’m done for the day, and ready to blow off some steam in the gym.
I have time. Whitney is home for a long weekend, and I want to give Mother and daughter time to bond.
***
“Wait, what do you mean you’ve never been to Disneyland?” Whitney asks dumbfounded.
I shrug. “Never had a desire to see it, kid.”
“Mom, we cannot let this travesty continue.”
I glance at B warily.
They’re speaking a silent language all their own.
“I think he’s fine not seeing it.”
“Mom, it’s the only place I want to go though, and I know how you feel about super public places, but we’re old news by now, and who’s going to say anything with Jagger there?”
I smirk. She’s not above using me to get her way. Whether or not she actually likes me, I can’t tell yet.
“You trying to con us into taking you to Disneyland, kid?”
“I’m not a kid, and yes.” She bats her lashes. “Please, J?”
I suddenly understand the term Daddy’s girl. The kid is weakening my resolve.
“You raise a little con artist, B?”
“I think she prefers the word persuasive.”