“Next time,” I say firmly. I’m going to drag him kicking and screaming toward competency.
I empty the bag into the toilet and flush.
“All done.” Remove the gloves, pitch them in the garbage, and wash my hands before I help him replace the bag and his pants.
“Alright handsome, you’re ready to go.”
“How can you say that after what you just did?” The self-loathing and anger make my heart ache.
“Hey.” I grip his chin. “You still love me?”
“Fuck, B. Of course.”
“That’s how I can say that.” I brush our lips. He tenses. I tease his lips with the tip of my tongue, and he relaxes yielding to me. My heart knocks against my chest as I slant my head and taste him. It’s been so long since we connected on this level. I hum. He sucks my tongue into his mouth, and I cream my panties. It’s still there between us, that heat. Laughter breaks out in the other room, and we part reluctantly. I groan. “Can’t we just stay here until they show themselves out?”
He laughs, and I realize how long it’s been since I’ve seen him look happy. I run my fingers through his thick hair and rest our foreheads together.
“I love you.”
I pull back shocked. “I love you too, J.”
He smiles, and I see the man I first fell for. We’ll get through this together.
***
“Oh God.”
The despondent moan pulled me from sleep.
“Huh. Wha. What’s wrong?” I whisper as I roll over onto my side to face Jagger.
“I can’t do this shit, B. I’m like a fucking infant.” He slams his fist against the bed, and I feel it. The wetness that’s traveled across the sheets. He sticks to an eating schedule and stops fluids around eight o’clock, but sometimes accidents will still happen with the catheter.
“Hey, it’s alright that’s why we have extra padding down.”
“It’s not okay. How can I be your man when I can’t even handle my bathroom shit, huh?”
I click on the light and turn to him. “Things like this are going to happen, and it is okay. I know you’re upset, but you’re doing everything you’re supposed to do. You have your routine, you stop drinking at night, but the body sometimes does what it wants, and neither of us is going to get overly worked up over that.
“You say that calmly as you sit in my urine.”
I place my hand on his arm. “You know how many times I’ve been peed on in my life? I’m a mom.” I wink.
He snatches his arm away from me. “It’s not funny.”
“It’s laugh or cry at this point, and I’m tired of tears, and pain, aren’t you?”
“I hate this.” He spits the words out with enough venom to kill.
“I know you do. I wish there was more I can do to help you.”
He meets my gaze. “This really doesn’t bother you?”
“It bothers me that it upsets you so much. I guess I’m just used to this. I’ve worked within this field for so long, I accept it as a fact of life. Come on, let’s get the bed cleaned up and then clean ourselves.” I move from the bed, careful to keep my face neutral. He follows my lead scooting out of bed onto his chair. I toss the pillows onto the floor and pull off the bedding.
“You take it to the washer and get it started, and I’ll replace the linens?”
“Deal.”