Resurrecting Ghosts (Kings of Chaos 4)

Ruthie

I nibble on Graham crackers to settle my stomach and burrow deeper into the couch. A can of sprite rests on the colorful round coaster on the end table beside my couch.

“How are you feeling?” Blue asks.

“Like I’m preggers.”

Blue snickers. “Good, because you are.”

“Thanks for taking care of the food from last night by the way.”

“I noticed it was gone when I got back. I left it there as insurance policy. I thought you were going to bail on me.”

“Can’t say the thought didn’t cross my mind. I held my breath and ran it to the garbage can when he got here.”

“What happened in the bathroom before I arrived last night?”

I place a hand on my flat stomach. “I don’t think he wants the baby.”

“Did he say that?”

“Not in so many words.”

“Give me details. You’re highly emotional right now,” Blue says.

“He looked over at the sink and said ‘no’. It wasn’t what he said. It was the look on his face and the anguish in his voice. I never imagined I’d find myself here. What the hell am I going to do? God, my mother is going to have a victory party. This is the ultimate proof that all my rebellious ways would lead me to ruin. Even though she’s divorced, she’s so traditional. It’s why Rochelle is the favorite. She married Tim out of college and had a baby not long after.”

“And she comes over here every chance she gets. I can’t see that she’s the real winner out of the two of you.”

“Yes, but she didn’t have to do this alone,” I whisper biting the inside of my cheek.

“And neither will you. As much as you helped me with Bolton, you know I’m here when you need me as well as the rest of KOC. This baby is part of the Kings of Chaos. We take care of our own. Skull is shell shocked right now, but he’s a good guy who cares an awful lot about you. He’ll get his shit together. In the meantime, you won’t want for anything.”

“But I’ll still be alone. I wanted traditional. At least my own version of it.”

“Then fight for it.”

“How?”

“By not putting up a wall and shutting him out. This is new to him. Give him time to digest it. Allow him to be around for the big things. I’m talking ultrasounds, cravings, and the sickness. Make him work for it. Don’t roll over. I know that’s what you’re afraid of. Losing yourself and being what you perceive to be weak. Don’t do that. You can’t block him out either, because you’ll regret that too. I know you, Ruthie. You are in deep with him, baby aside. I think he’s your one. He’s damaged, like most of our boys. They live a rough life, see things most people can’t imagine, and often come from bad situations. I don’t know his whole story, but I know he was raised by his grandparents and his parents are both deceased.”

“What happened to them?”

“I’m not sure. It’s filed under the none of my business category. I always suspected it’s part of why he was such a playboy.”

“Maybe there’s more to his attitude than I thought,” I say hopeful.

“He’s an iceberg. The tip on the outside is a small portion of what lies beneath, and believe me when I say you’ve seen more of him than most.”

“Do you think so?”

“Is that what you’re worried about? That you’re just another notch on his belt?”

“I didn’t use to think that, but that slip up of his and these hormones have me all up in my head.”

“Well, get the hell out of there, woman.” Blue shook my knee.

“I’ll try.”