“It was my grandma’s favorite color. After
she passed, Grandpa didn’t have the heart to change anything. That set was a wedding present from my grandmother’s family.” I nod toward the blond wardrobe set with thick silver rectangular handles.
“Wow.”
“What?” I narrow my eyes.
“You’re so much more than I ever imagined.” She glides over to me and places her hands on my chest. “I like this person in front me. I want to get to know him better.”
I take a shaky breath. “Showing you this, ain’t easy.”
“Why not?”
“Out of practice? I buried this part of me. Only person who gets to see it on a regular basis is Ray.”
“Ray?”
“He used to work for my grandfather. They became close friends, and once Grandpa passed, he sort of took his place. But he’s from that life, so it’s different.”
She scrapes her nails over my pecs. “Don’t you think it’s time to build a bridge? We can’t live in the world like you do. We’ll always be half in the world and half out. Soon, you’ll be plunged back into the civilian world. Car pools, diapers, playdates, and parent teacher conferences. You have to be ready for that.”
The picture she’s painting is terrifying, but tempting at the same time. It’s been a long time since I had a place that felt like a home in the traditional sense. Living with Ruthie has reminded me of what that once felt like. “You think we can do this, girl?”
“I think you can do anything you put your mind to. I wouldn’t be doing this, otherwise. If any man pulled the shit you have on me, I would’ve found a way to put him on his ass and walked.”
“Why are you still here with me?”
“Because I want this to work. I care about you deeply. I like the way you make me feel when it’s good. I don’t like the way we careen out of control or hide our issues behind rough sex. Though, I do love the roughness. Don’t shut me out after we leave here. Please?”
I close my eyes. “What do we do?”
“Shit. Fumble through it together. Do you—never mind.”
“No. What?”
“Do you feel that way, or is this…”
“Ruthie?” I grab her chin and tilt her head up. “What are you trying to ask me, babe?” I ask drowning in her pale green gaze.
“How do you feel about me? Not the mother of your child, or your Old Lady, Ruthie, the girl you were seeing off and on.”
“Do you really have to ask me that?”
“Yes, you’re hard to read on a good day.”
I should tell her I love her. “I more than care for you,” I say, unable to speak the words circling in my mind.
“Yeah?” Her eyes light up like I gave her the hope diamond.
“Yeah.” I let a real smile slip free. I don’t have to keep my walls up with her. She’s the only person I want close to me like that. Pushing her away would be stupid. There’s plenty of shit I’m not certain about, but Ruthie isn’t one of them anymore. I wrap my hand around her neck and pull her to me, pouring all the things I can’t say into the lip lock. She leans against me and I place my opposite hand on her back, moving her down as I deepen the kiss. Our tongues glide against each other. She tastes sweeter than she used to.
I take my time, sampling and exploring. The urge to take her in my childhood room rises. I move away and lift her into my arms bridal style. She giggles and I nip her full lips. Her nipples strain against her white tank top. I bend down and suck a hardened peak into my mouth through her fabric. She arches her back and I nuzzle the valley between her breasts. She smells clean and fresh. “I want to crawl inside you and live, little girl. You give me light and healing when I don’t deserve. I’m going to make you feel as good as I do.” I slip into the light blue room and lay her on the twin-size bed. “I never dreamed I’d have a dime piece like you here in my room.” I peel off the tank top and admire the increase in her cup size. The delicate pink lace bra is working overtime to contain her creamy flesh.
“A dime piece, huh?”
“A perfect ten for me,” I agree.
I strip off her layers and make my way down her body, nipping and tasting every inch of her skin. She tugs off my beanie and buries her fingers in my hair, massaging my scalp. I press a kiss against her belly. The flat belly is gone and replaced with a slight curve. I dip my tongue into her belly button. She gasps and her muscles contract. The scent of her arousal calls to me like a siren. I spread her thighs and trace her slipper slit.