Spun (Kings of Chaos 1)

“It’s good to be back,” I say, latching onto the known. It’s good to interact with someone who hasn’t changed while I was trapped in the siesta from hell.

“Your old lady’s looking good. I was glad you claimed her. She always treated us like we were human.”

I glance over at Nevada who’s talking with her best friend Mimi. “Yeah, she was always good people like that.” Looking at her makes my brain itch. It’s like I’m searching for a connection that no longer exists. I glance away from her and take a drink from the bottom. She gets under my skin. It’s not something I want to deal with. I move my chair closer and wrap my arm around Brownie’s waist. “Why don’t you tell me what I’ve missed?”

“Shit always stays the same here. Drama, fights, fucking and partying.”

I chuckle. This is what I wanted to get back to, uncomplicated fun. We continue to shoot the shit and flirt. I’m thinking of getting my dick wet, but I’m hesitant. The last thing I want to do is have my equipment malfunction. I’ll be in therapy for a while. Apparently, going offline fucks with you in a major way. The feeling of eyes on me prickles the hair on the back of my neck. I glance up and catch Hulk giving me a death glare. I roll my eyes and search the crowd for Nevada. When I can’t find her, I frown.

Shit, did she get into trouble?

This is exactly why I didn’t want…an old lady. “I’ll catch up with you later, Brownie.” I have a walking cast on now, so thankfully I don’t have to hobble around on crutches. I clop my way through the crowd, accepting pats on the back and nods. Every few feet, I stop to have a mini conversation, constantly searching for Nevada on the sly. I end up spotting her walking out of the hallway with Mimi.

Her eyes are red and her face is puffy. It’s clear she’s been crying.

I want to punch a wall. I’m hurting her by simply being myself. This other Wizard is a stranger I can’t even imagine being. Having to be held responsible for his actions is a fucked up kind of jail. I wade my way over and grab her by the elbow. “Let’s go to my room and talk.”

“I don’t think we need to do that,” she whispers.

“It’s obvious we do.”

The color drains from Mimi’s face. “I’m going to go see Riker,” she says, squeezing Nevada’s shoulder before she disappears into the crowd.

“Let’s go.” I grip her elbow and steer her through the crowd. Catcalls follow us. I unlock my door and we head inside.

“You don’t have to say anything, Wizard. This is hard enough for both of us. You don’t need me around fucking with your head and gumming up the works on your recovery. I don’t need to see you every day and long for a man who no longer exists.”

Her bluntness shocks me. “Well, shit.”

“I told you, I changed. You gave me the gift of time and safety to discover who I wanted to be. That’s why I’m doing what’s best now.”

“You want to tell me what the hell that is, Nevy?”

She winces. “Please don’t call me that.”

“Okay, Nevada.”

“No.”

I flinch. Everything I do with her seems to be wrong. At least, now I know why.

“Nev, please. Just Nev.”

The pain in her eyes cuts me deep. Knowing someone feels so much emotion for me and I can’t return the favor is hell on Earth. It’s like seeing what I always wanted while it’s being held just out of my reach. A stab of pain flashes through my skull. I grip my head and grit my teeth.

“Gage.”

My given name on her lips is sweet and painful at the same time.

She stumbles forward and grips my face. Her green eyes are giant. “We can’t keep hurting one another. You need time to heal and I need space to keep sane. Never think I left lightly.” She presses her lips to mine.

I get a taste of everything I never knew I wanted. A split second later, the pain hits and I jerk away. I struggle to regain clarity.

She slips out of the door like a ghost.

My gut tells me I should chase her down, but I know she’s right. At the moment, I’m not one-hundred percent. I need to get my own shit together before I consider anything else. I close my eyes and let the feeling I refer to as static fade. Parts of my past are like a television station, just out of focus. I’m starting to suspect they may have been some of my best moments. It’s fucked up when you’re jealous of yourself.

Chapter Ten