Chapter One
I’ll be eating crow until I’m shitting black feathers. The space that had once been alive with bright, colorful bobbles, herbal remedies, and homemade beauty supplies, is now a sad, barren wasteland. Bright yellow ‘Everything Must Go’ signs mock me. Puke orange markdown stickers on empty shelves sing their own song all about failure. I curl my lip up at the smiley faces. Screw you, too, pal.
There’s nothing happy about pedaling your wares at a ridiculously low price to make back every dime you possibly can to survive until you can land a new gig, or in my case return to doing the very last thing I wanted to. I was born with a very special set of talents … ones my family swear I’m wasting. However, I set them all aside when the thing that once filled me with joy unlike anything I’d ever known became the cause of pain, misfortune, and paranoia.
I could never pretend I wasn’t a witch—it’d be like denying I’m a person of color when my skin is golden brown, my hair is coarse, and my heritage is rich with the history, sacrifice, and customs of the strong African American men and women who came before me. It’s a part of who I am. My choice to discontinue consciously practicing felt like severing a limb.
I walked around for months, disoriented without the balance of the earth and the voice of my ancestors whispering in my ears. I had to relearn how to live life. Which meant getting as far away as possible from the backwater, cajun parish I’d been born and raised in. The relocation had its pros and cons.
The tiny Kentucky town had been good to me until recently. The economic crash made the extras I offered a frivolous luxury no one could afford to buy. I held on as long as I could and eked out another six months before finally conceding defeat.
I’m currently in the process of scrounging up every penny I can to return home with my tail tucked between my legs. I can handle the botched business. It’s the inability to survive on my own that burns my toast. The years spent away weren’t nearly long enough. The reality of my new life coming to a close cuts me down to the bone. My knees weaken, and I sink to the stool behind the counter.
The saving grace that was my period of solitude is over. Hiding is no longer an option. It’s time to face my past. I bow my head. I’m a strong woman. I can handle a lot. But I’m also smart enough to know when I’ve reached my limits. It’s why I fled in the first place. I’ve learned a lot over the years, but I’ve eluded just as much.
The gaping wound in my heart is still raw and bleeding out. The doorbell jingles and I force a smile for my current best friend, Heather. On the outskirts of the Appalachian Mountains, my community is full of small businesses and thoughtful folks who live off the land and possess the secrets and practices of those who came before them. It’s the closest I could come to living among my kind.
Pausing in the doorway, Heather offers up a sweet smile tinged with sadness. I asked to work the last few hours alone. The thought of having an audience to hear the final death rattle of Homespun soured my stomach.
“How are you?”
“Empty.” I’m too tired to downplay my disappointment. And scared out of my mind for reasons I can never share with you.
“Is there anything I can do?”
“You’ve done more than enough, helping me push out inventory and working all those hours for a mere pittance.”
“Hey, friends help one another out around this way. You know that.”
The corners of my lip flicker upward despite my dark countenance. “I do know.” I’m going to miss the beautiful simplicity and willingness to help a neighbor. Where I’m from friends often look like foes, and power corrupts. And silly little girls with stars in their eyes and hearts wide open are manipulated like marionettes and destroyed from the inside out by the one they love most. Bitterness springs up inside me like water from a freshly drawn well. It’s always there, lurking beneath the surface, a hungry beast who waits to pounce during my most vulnerable moments and devour me whole.
“You really didn’t have to come, Heather.” The proud part of me wants to handle this alone.
“There’s no way I was going to let you close for the last time alone. I get it, boss, you’re a badass. You don’t have to prove it every second of every day. I’m here for you whether you like it or not.” The fiery brunette with flashing hazel eyes has a backbone as hard as steel, and a capacity to love wider than the star-dotted sky above the building.
I chuckle. Not many would dare come for m
e the way she does. I’m intimidating. From my height, which tops out at six foot one, to my intense gaze and short hair with fiery colors throughout. It’s an image I’ve carefully constructed to keep others at a distance.
Heather saw through all of those things and extended a hand in friendship. I couldn’t pass that up. Not when it came from such a sincere place. The only thing that matches her capacity to care for others is her loyalty. She helped me soften the folks who were born and raised in this town.
They weren’t a fan of a strange woman moving in and buying up prime real estate. I spent the first year proving myself and living the life of an Amish person who’d been shunned. They didn’t know that at the time it was exactly what I needed. Standing on my own against a town who refused to acknowledge me, regrew my self-confidence and gave me a task to focus all of my attention on.
I cultivated a healthy online following and brought in folks from the cities. In the end, it helped not just me, but local economy as well. That was the crack in the icy façade.
“Okay, short stuff. Let’s lock the door one last time, and pop the lid on the jar of moonshine I have in the back with our names written on it.”
“Now that’s what I’m talking about! I told Boyd I wouldn’t be home till late tomorrow.”
I say my silent good-byes to the life I’ve carved out as the deafening click signals the end. Wrapping my arm around Heather’s shoulders, I shut off the main lights as we walk through my personal graveyard of dreams. The stark white of empty shelves are the bleached bones of a carcass picked clean of all its meat. With every flip of a switch, the darkness blots out more of the light. The perfect analogy for what’s about to happen to my life.
***
The apple moonshine hits my throat, setting it ablaze as it slides down and spreads warmth from my belly throughout the rest of my body. I dance around to the folksy music playing on vinyl. The off-white skirt with layers of ruffles bells out as I spin. I enjoy the feel of the cotton against my legs.
Cool air from the fan blows against my bare belly. The off the shoulder crop top has a matching ruffle across the bottom. It’s one of the more popular clothing items I carried. Made by one of Heather’s cousin, the Bohemian fashions did well. Not that it matters now. Closing my eyes, I take another swig to drown out my thoughts. Raising my hands above my head, I peer up at the skylight and glimpse a bright streak. A shooting star. A sign of things ending. Is it a message or a fluke?
I open up my senses for the first time, tapping into the god-given birthright I’ve denied. Power flows through me like a high voltage of current. It rocks through my bones, stealing my breath. The world presses in around me. I swallow air to keep the nausea at bay. It’s like gaining sight after being blind. The earth’s life force is alive and pulsing with a heartbeat all its own. Steady and soothing, it grounds me. I long to sink my toes into the dirt.
Even the cotton feels artificial against my skin. It’s all I can do not to strip down and practice my craft skyclad. Body tingling, and soul rejoicing, I am awakened and changed. The magic of my sisters surrounds me. There are root workers up on the mountain—practitioners who use the old southern folk magic that originated with Africans.
Like attracts like. I chose to shield my presence when I arrived. Now, I connect. Time slows as I reacquaint myself with this secret part of me long neglected. The void I couldn’t fill shrinks.
Heather dances around me. I feed off her sisterly presence. We all have a type of magic inside of us. Woman together create a very potent energy. One simply needs to know how to tap into it. I want to thank her for all she’s done. I form the Latin words in my mind, gathering the power of my ancestors. I bless her with the gift of prosperity and success. The days of struggling to make her crops yield fruit and gather enough wood for the long winters will be over for a time. Her eyes widen. She feels the enchantment taking hold.
The world becomes a blur. Wind tugs at my hair playfully, welcoming me back to the world few know exists. I throw my head back and release the laughter bubbling up inside of me. There’s happiness here in the midst of sadness. Such is life. Balance must be kept in all things. Even at the darkest moments, light remains.
I embrace this experience and breathe deeply. I’m a conduit. The excess energy I’ve gathered and stored is bursting from my crown, fingertips, and through my soles. Pink spots form on the apples of Heather’s cheeks. She releases a throaty laugh, and we spin faster as the track changes to a more upbeat song.
High on the emotions swirling around inside of me, I wonder why I ever stopped. I am a part of the universe, and the universe lives in me.
The sense of oneness is more intoxicating than the alcohol in the Mason jar capable of running a car. The transcendent experience opens me up wide. Too wide. I feel him. Blood drains from my head, and my knees weaken. A flicker of awareness rises. He latches onto the open connection like a striking viper. My body jerks. I’m immersed in the feel of his mind—cool, ordered, and ancient. The scent of leather, forest, and expensive whiskey fills my nostrils.
Louella? The smooth, cultured tone makes the word roll off his tongue like a sonnet. The old-world elegance he exuded has yet to lose its effectiveness.
I take a shaky step and slam the door between us like a steel trap. Closing my eyes, I re-ground myself. The slow panic sinks in.
It was a split second, and I’m already drowning in everything that is Cristobal Angeles Pilar Cortez. Images of memories fill my mind. I see his angular aristocratic face, framed with chestnut brown hair streaked with a sun-kissed gold highlights. It always struck me as the ultimate irony that one such as he seemed blessed by the sun.
“Lou?”
Heather’s concerned voice pulls me out of the too-deep waters I’m floundering in. I blink and focus on her concerned gaze.
“You okay? You’re pretty good at holding your alcohol.”
“Yes. It’s finally hitting me I’m heading back home. I have some unresolved issues I’m getting ready to jump headfirst into.”
“Man trouble?” she asks.