“When did this happen?”
“Right after high school. I was a mess from nineteen to twenty-one.”
“What happened?”
“That’s more complicated. The short answer would be a woman, Monica. We met at vulnerable times in our life. Birds of a feather flock together, you know? I went to rehab, and she refused. When I came out, I discovered she was pregnant.”
“Jesus.”
“Yeah, nothing like being fresh out of rehab and getting a call that your pregnant ex-girlfriend is going into labor early with twins. The girls barely made it. They were under birth weight and addicted to opiates. It was touch and go. Fresh out of rehabilitation, I was searching my soul for something greater than myself. It’s cliché, but I found that stability in God. So I cried out to him. I promised him if he’d spare my girls, I’d dedicate my life to him. It was the catalyst to change in my lie. The cuss words left my rhymes, and I got myself together in every aspect … physically, mentally, spiritually.” Gooseflesh breaks out over my arms as the hairs on the back of my neck stand on in. The story never fails to have a profound effect on me.
“Wow.”
“I know it’s a lot to take in, but I wanted to be up front. My girls and my career are my life. They both take up a lot of time, and energy, but they are the best things I’ve ever done, and completely worth it.” I sit back in the chair and watch as a range of emotions pass over her face. I’m past being ashamed of my past, and I refuse to let my children be something I feel I have to hide. If she can’t accept me as I am, it’s better to find out now.
She scrapes her bowl with her spoon as an odd silence falls between us.
“How old are you girls?”
“Neomi and Ilana are ten going on twenty,” I reply with a roll of my eyes.
She laughs. “So, who watches them when you’re away?”
“My mother now that she’s retired from teaching. Before that, we had childcare, and then a nanny when it became necessary. I would never allow them to suffer due to my lifestyle.”
“What does their mother think?”
I sigh. “She’s been in and out of the picture. The pills were a habit she’s never managed.”
“So you’ve got sole custody?”
I nod. “Yeah.”
“That’s a lot.”
“Now you see why I have so much to say in my music.”
“I can imagine. I’ll be honest, you have a lot going on in your life, but I’ve never been afraid of a challenge. I enjoy talking with you and spending time. I’d like to continue doing that and see what happens.”
“Then that’s what we’ll do.”
The tension I’ve been carrying subsides and the conversation turns lighter. I feel like I dodged a bullet. Kids aren’t everyone’s cup of tea. Especially with a drug addicted baby mama who comes in and out of the picture. You add my past with drug addiction and my unusual job, and you have a trifecta that usually lands me in the undateable zone. I study her casually as we move to pay the bill and take a walk. I’m a man who goes after what he wants, and I want this woman beside me.
“My treat. I invited you here,” I say, taking the bill.
“What? No.”
“One thing you should get used to with me is being treated like the queen you are.”
The intake of breath sends blood rushing straight down as I find myself wondering what she looks like in the throes of passion. My pants tighten, and I clear my throat and think about icy showers. This woman is going to test my resolve in the most amazing and tortuous ways. I don’t believe in sex before marriage, but there are plenty of other ways to bring pleasure that don’t involve penetration. Given a chance, I’d worship her from head to toe.
Chapter Three
Willow
Peering at myself in the mirror, I laugh. Dressed in a pair of worn blue jeans and a three-quarter sleeve black and white baseball T-shirt, I’m ready to go bowling. Things with Drew are never dull, and I’m having more fun than I can remember having in years. It’s more than dinners and movies. We’ve hiked trails, explored tiny antique shops, and had picnics in the park. This is the first time he’s coming to my place to pick me up. It’s not a coincidence. T
his has moved into deeper waters. I lick my lips. I want him. The chaste kisses on the cheeks and hugs are no longer going to cut it.