Cast the Cards
Page 29
“I don’t think Mom would appreciate that.”
“This isn’t a game.”
He sobered. “No, it’s not. I’m sorry. I was just trying to lighten the moment. This whole situation is so heavy. I feel like I’m caught up in a rockslide on a daily basis. You have to let go, Vannah. Turning your life into some sort of living shrine to Clark isn’t good for either of you.”
“I’m not.” She shook her head vehemently.
“Aren’t you? When’s the last time you went on a date, held a steady relationship?”
“What’s wrong with putting your career first?” Arms crossed over her chest, she leaned her weight back onto one leg.
“Nothing, but for you it’s all that exists.”
“I do other things,” she mumbled.
“Name three for me.” He arched his eyebrow.
She paused. “Travel.”
“Is it for work?”
“Not always.”
“Okay, I’ll give you that. Two more.” He held up two fingers.
“Read.”
“Uh huh.” His voice dripped with disbelief as he gestured for her to follow with a wave of his hand. “Next.”
“I do things with my best friend Amy.”
“And that fulfills you?”
“Not everyone wants a husband and kids, Carey.”
“No, but you always did.”
She placed her tongue in her cheek and breathed through her nostrils, tilting her head back. “After what happened I saw life differently. Around every corner there was pain, evil, and devastation. I wanted to be a light, someone who answered the questions that kept people up at night and combated the wrongdoings. The ideal of bringing a new life into a world full of so much bad terrifies me. Let alone giving my heart to someone else. That kind of commitment opens you up to a hurt that cuts you to the core. Leave scars that change you indefinitely. I don’t want to go through that again.”
“You’re missing out on so much because you’re afraid of what-ifs.”
“Maybe.” She pierced him with her determined gaze. “But it’s my choice.”
“Even if it keeps Clark here?”
Her shoulders slumped. “You really think that’s why they sent him back?”
“I think it’s a huge part of it. Coupled with the way he died.”
She rubbed her temples with her fingertips. “What do I do?”
“You have to show him the old you is still inside there somewhere, and you’re happy.”
“Happy’s relative.” Her quick retort rang false.
“Not to Clark… not to me.”
“Why the sudden change of heart?” In full detective mode she studied him, like Sherlock Holmes on a case.