Left (Left 1)

Rain points at Houston. “This is all his fault. He won’t let me see him. He’s mad because I called off the wedding.”

“No, calling off the wedding would have been decent. You left me at the altar, and then stayed gone for three years. That’s on you, not me. You should listen to Officer Stanford, get back on your car and not come back here.”

“You can’t keep me from them. You or that bitch.”

“Okay ma’am, let’s go,” Officer Stanford genty grabs her elbow and guides her toward the forest green minivan. She’s off her fucking gourd. I’ve heard that pregnancy hormones mess with women, but that was off the charts. Of course, Rain never took the blame for her wrongdoings. It was always the stars misaligning, the universe talking, or fortune frowning on her. It was never about her poor choices and inability to deal with things like an adult. I hoped she might have changed for everyone’s sake.

As my mother would say, some people never really leave high school. Given the way she was raised, I’m not stunned. There were no rules, structure, guidance, or reality checks. It made her optimistic until the end, which was great when we were young and the worst thing we had to worry about was makeup and boys. I knew she was struggling rear three kids, but I thought it was normal.

They officer stayed behind, and I closed the door as Houston began to file a report. Sick to my stomach. I return to the stove, layer the lasagna, add the marinara and pop it in the oven. It took my mind off the issue at hand momentarily. There's no way we can get through this without telling the children their mother has returned. What will that do to them? What if they force them to see her? They’re all questions I can’t answer, and that terrifies me because it leaves way too much room for error. The image of her screaming for her children will haunt me as long as I live.

***

Houston

The time has come to clue the children in on what’s happening. I spent all week trying to think up the best way to say it. So far I’ve come up with nothing. There’s no easy way to break it to them. We’ve begun the legal process, and they may have to see her in a supervised setting before the judge rules. I study the three lined up like baby ducks around Liv as they wait in line.

We’ve taken them to their favorite park with the Ice cream stand because I didn't want this memory to taint our home in any way. I stroke my beard as I take in their happy faces. I want to remember this time before I had to steal away their innocence.

They get one scoop icre cream cones in strawberry, vanilla, and chocolate. I smile. My little Neapolitan crew, each so different, but linked. They return to the bench I’m seated on, and I force a smile.

“Wow, you guys got cones?” I say.

“Yes, It’s the best Friday ever,” Echo says doing a little spin. I laugh at her gesture. She’s always been a ham.

“Come on, let’s eat them while we walk by the pond and see the duckies and fish,” I say standing. I lace my fingers with Liv, grateful for her presence. She’s been a constant source of support, love, and calm. I see red when it comes to people endangering my family. If she hadn’t been there to talk me down, I might’ve done something rash. When I received the petition for visitation in the mail, I hit the roof. Our first court appearance is next week. It’s put me on edge.

I wait until the last of the cone has been devoured and guide them over to empty picnic tables. Liv produces a pack of wet wipes and the clean up begins.

“Do you guys remember how I told you once you had a mommy who carried you in her belly?” I ask.

“Uh huh.” They nod their tiny heads and look at me with eyes full of trust. I can’t let them down.

“Well, she wants to see you again.”

“No, I don’t want to see our not nice Mommy. She left us,” Phoenix yells and grabs onto Liv’s leg. “We have a new Mommy now. A better one who won’t ever leave us.” His anger sets Echo and Deja into tears.

Liv turns her pain filled eyes toward me. Tears roll down her cheeks.

“Hey, no one is going to take you away from Daddy. I won’t let that happen. " I kneel in front of Phoenix and bring the girls close to my chest. "The court might want you to see her or talk to her, and I don’t want it to be a complete surprise.”

“Liv’s our new Mommy. She can’t take her place,” Deja says with conviction. ,

I can see that it’s tearing Liv in two to hear them call her Mom when she’s not sure if she has the right.

“Yes she is, and you’re right. No matter what happens between her and Daddy she will always be there for you.” I kiss the girls head and then Phoneix.

A strangled cry leaves Liv’s throat, and I stand and wrap my arms around my makeshift family.

“There are more things to a mommy than carrying you her in a belly. She’s the person who loves you, takes care of you, helps you grow, and is always there when you need her. Liv does all of those things and more.” And I love her. I rock from left to right, soothing them the way I did when they were babies. “It’s going to be alright. Mommy and Daddy got you.” Liv rests her head against me, and I know she’s accepted her new title. Her body shakes with her quiet cries. I kiss her temple. “Move in with me officially?”

“Yes.”

My heart soars. The world might be threatening to tilt on its axis, but at the moment I’m anchored. The kids calm down.

“Why did she leave us?” Echo whispers.

I could think of a million things to say, but none of them are nice or helpful.