“Well, for the record, I love every version of you, but this incarnation is my favorite to date because for the first time you’re truly happy.”
“I won’t go back to being that person constantly concerned about their approval and bound to their rules.”
“Nor should you.”
She gives a shaky laugh. “I needed to hear that. For the first time last year, I felt like I could breathe. I always dreamt of tasting freedom. I figured short of leaving everything I knew behind I would never discover it. They almost brainwash us from the start to follow the rules with the family duty, proper manners, and traditions. There’s beauty and darkness in that.”
“I’ll always be straight with you. Even when it’s not what you want to hear.”
“Can you spare me for two weeks, though?” Worry creeps into her tone.
“Don’t worry about it. We’ll make it work. This is important.”
“Thank you, Lou.”
“Anytime.”
“Now that you’re caught up with me, how are you really? I know you’re tired, but that’s all physical.”
“Oh, we’re diving deep, huh?”
“It’s a nice road trip. We may as well. If you get to check up on my headspace it’s only fair I do the same.”
I sigh. “I don’t know how to answer that question honestly. My emotions are all across the board. Stress doesn’t look pretty on me, and switching gears is a tough job when you’re dealing with two vastly dissimilar groups of people. I don’t want to embarrass anyone or disappoint, and it’s been one test after another one since the announcement went out that I’d be stepping up.”
“I can imagine. What you’re doing is unprecedented. People are going to be jealous and petty as hell.”
“Believe me, I figured that out fast. I thought I’d be used to it dealing with the upper-class witches, but they have nothing on vampires.”
“No?”
“People like to talk about having royal blood. Some of these men and women are royal, and they don’t let anyone forget. There are so many tiny details to remember. Knowing Cristobal and the others are putting their necks on the chopping board for me doesn’t help either.”
“Why? You bring a lot of good things to the table.”
“I’m also a high-risk factor. If I offend enough people, fail to fit in, or turn off enough people, he could lose his standing. I’m not about to let that happen. So, I have to be damn near perfect for them to believe I’m not a subpar creature. Being a witch helps, but some of these vampires would make Death Eaters look like teddy bears.”
“Jesus, Lou. At least you can never doubt his love. He risked everything to be with you. It’s what we all dream about. A soul deep kind of love that you’d sacrifice everything for.” She sighs.
“Is that love?”
“What?”
“Where do you draw a line between obsession and love?”
“Are you doubting his feelings?” she questions, shocked.
“No. I think he loves me as much as he’s able to, or in his way. What concerns me is the fact that it’s not organic. Our connection is otherworldly. Did he have a choice in the matter? I’m his bondmate. Destiny picked me. The universe said I was the one for him and twined our what … souls, consciousness? No one knows. Is that romantic or a matter of chemistry and genes?” And what happens if someday I don’t live up to the hype? I toy with the edge of the seatbelt.
“You’ve thought about this often, haven’t you?”
I nod. “There are times when it’s like a record with a scratch, that won’t stop skipping in my head.” Sacha is the least judgmental person I know. I don’t have to worry about unloading my warped thoughts on her. “You’ve seen Cristobal. He’s powerful, masculine, handsome, and suave. What if I never fit into his world the way he needs me to? There’s no place for him in ours, so where does that leave us?” My mind begins to spin out of control. Once I let the cork pop off the bottle, it’s hell to shove back in.
“Has he said anything to make you feel this way?” Her voice grows icy.
“No. Cristobal doesn’t have to. All our biggest arguments stem from our different ways of thinking. He can’t understand where I’m coming from, and I feel the same way about him.”
“No couple is perfect, Lou.”