Pan's Salvation (Dueling Devils 5)

She placed her hands on his face. “I just hope I can live up to your expectations. You’ve been my rock. The thought of letting you down makes me sick to my stomach. You’re the last person I want to hurt.”

“That’s a part of being in a relationship. Do I look like the type of person who expects to be swaddled in bubble wrap?” He moved his head and kissed her hand. “Let’s get you dressed.”

Despite their momentary relief, the air felt heavy with things unsaid. He persuaded her for now, but he didn’t feel like they’d landed back on solid ground.

Chapter Nine

Demon pulled the trigger. The bullet moved in slow motion. It sank into the woman’s forehead. Blood and brain splattered all over her. She opened her mouth and screamed.

Gasping, Lark opened her eyes. She struggled to suck air into her lungs. Her gaze darted around in the darkness. I’m home. It was only a dream. Sweat coated her skin. Her stomach gurgled and saliva filled her mouth. She tossed back the cover and stumbled from bed. She hadn’t gotten a decent night of sleep since the incident two weeks ago. She made it to the bathroom in time to drop to her knees and empty her stomach. Tears rolled down her face. Little by little, she was coming undone. She was grateful Pan was on a run. He didn’t need to see the mess she was becoming. She’d always thought of herself as a strong woman, but that theory was being put to the test. The dry heaves subsided and she flushed the toilet.

I need to get it together and make a decision.

Standing, she splashed water on her face and brushed her teeth. The woman looking back at her in the mirror looked worn out. The honeymoon is over. Thinking it would be smooth sailing after all she’d seen happen. The Dueling Devils weren’t as hardcore as Hell’s Minions, but they lived within the same life. You couldn’t stay on top without making enemies. There would always be someone lurking in the background. A crazy ex, an ex-member, or a rival club. She’d barely moved on from the shooting at the gas station and here she was—with new nightmares.

Is this worth it?

There were plenty of things left for her to work out, but one thing was evident, she couldn’t give up her apartment, not yet. The last thing she wanted to do was hurt Pan, but the distance could bring clarity. When she was with him like this, she couldn’t think. He altered her perception of a drug that entered her veins and shut down her reasoning skills. The thought of his face when he came home to find her gone…stole her breath. He’d been so good to her.

Torn, she pushed away from the sink and stripped down. Perhaps a long, hot shower would give her time to come up with a plan she didn’t feel horrible about. Their time together ran in her mind like a moving picture. The minute she walked into the gas station the first domino had fallen and triggered an epic chain reaction. Ever since the fallout, she’d been climbing her way out of the pits of grief while handing over her control and decision-making skills to Pan. Without him here, she was able to see how far off the tracks she’d driven

He couldn’t protect her from the problems his life caused. But he’ll try. Can anyone really guarantee safety? We never know what’ll happen from one day to the next. The war raging in her mind gave her a headache. She closed her eyes and held her face up to the warm spray. The water released the scent of sandalwood in the soap, which made her think of Pan. What would her leaving do to him? She owed this man her very life. But a relationship can’t be based on that. In the end, she had to walk away to know she was there for the right reasons. She stepped out of the shower, clean, but unrefreshed. It felt like she’d gone three rounds in the ring with a legend. She walked into the room she’d come to think of as theirs and sighed. She owed it to both of them to figure this out before they went any further.

I’m just putting space between the two of us and recovering control. I’m not going cold turkey.

None of the valid thoughts made her feel any less of a coward. She slipped on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt then made a call.

“Hey girl, what’s going on?” Tanya’s friendly voice asked.

“I could really use some girl time.”

“Uh oh. Trouble in paradise?”

“I’m not sure.”

“How about we get together for lunch at, Penny’s?” Tanya asked.

“God, yes.”

“You want me to come get you, so that you can drink? It sounds like you could use a few rounds.”

“God, I’d love you forever.”

“Please, you couldn’t stop loving me if you tried.”

Lark laughed. “You’re right. You’re my forever love.”

“Just don’t tell, tall, tattooed and deadly. He doesn’t strike me as the sharing type.”

“You have no idea,” Lark mumbled.

“I’m still lounging in my jammies. Give me thirty minutes?”

“Perfect.” She hung up excited about spending time with her best friend. There was nothing like the presence of the person you trusted most to help you make the hardest decisions. She pulled her black duffle bag out of the closet, packed half her things and left the house before she could talk herself out of it.

Seated at a table in the back with a margarita and her best friend, Lark felt like she could finally breathe.

“You want to tell me what’s going on honey? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so…fulfilled until Pan. Now, you look like you’re running scared.”