Pan's Salvation (Dueling Devils 5)

“Why didn’t you tell me before?”

“I didn’t want it to interfere with our reunion.”

“Is that why you come back?” He asked, feeling the joy seep from his life with every second that ticked past.

“No. That’s exactly what I didn’t want you to think,” she protested.

Her monitors beeped in warning.

“Hey.” He grabbed her hand and squeezed it. “Calm down.”

“This isn’t how I wanted this to happen.” She sobbed. “I fucked everything up. I should’ve taken better care of myself.”

“Hey. No, this isn’t on you. These things happen sometimes.”

“Our baby is gone. We’ll never know if it was a boy or a girl. What they would’ve looked like.”

Pan stood and gathered her in his arms, holding her close as he took on her own pain. “I’m sorry baby.”

“I never should’ve left.” She cried.

“Shhh.” He kissed her forehead. “You did what you needed to. It wasn’t meant to be.” He held it together, allowing her to vent and rage. Tonight, he’d break down alone. For now, she was his number one concern. When she quieted, he pulled back and brushed the strands of hair and tears from her face. He grabbed a tissue from the bedside table and wiped her nose. There was nothing he wouldn’t do for this woman in front of him. Which is why you need to let her go.

Not now, when she needs your support, but a bit by bit. The thought made him sick to his stomach. The image of her unhappy and in pain, damn near destroyed him. She didn’t belong in this life with him. Even the universe knew it. “What did the doctor say?”

“He said sometimes these things happen, usually before the woman even realizes she’s

pregnant. He’s running tests, but he said from what he saw there was nothing physically wrong with me.”

“That’s good news right?”

“It doesn’t feel like it right now.”

“I can understand that. I’m just glad you’re okay.” He lifted her hand and kissed it.

She sniffled. “As long as we have each other I know it will be, eventually.”

The words were like a knife in his belly.

“He’s going to release me later with some antibiotics and birth control.”

“I think that’d be a good idea,” he admitted.

Lark looked up at him and the misery in her eyes fileted his soul. Step one of letting the woman go, who you know deserves better. “Do you want me to call someone?”

“No. No one else knew. I didn’t want anyone, but you to find out first.” She squeezed his hand. “I don’t want to tell them.”

“Then we won’t.” He kissed her forehead.

“Thank you,” she whispered.

He inclined his head unable to speak around the lump in his throat as he studied her face, memorizing every line.

The next day, they returned to the house, where he feed, medicated and settled her into bed.

Then he moved on to the hardest part—cleaning the blood. His stomach churned as he knelt down with a towel, hot soapy water and bleach. He scrubbed the blood away knowing he’d never be able to cleanse the memory of what he’d lost and the vision of her lying so still on the ground.

His mind flickered back to his mother. His last memory of her had been far too similar. The images blurred and joined, locking him in a waking nightmare.