Bikers Librarian (Lords of Mayhem 1)

“I’m stopping by. I’m nowhere near done with you, Juliette. I told you that.”

“You did.” But I didn’t believe you. Her heartbeat speed. Words meant nothing. Right now Shooter was showing her his interest, and proving himself to be the man she thought him to be yet again. It’s like he has the blueprints to my heart.

“Keep your phone on. I’ll call you before I head over.”

“Okay.” She kept her tone steady, but inside she wanted to scream. He wants to see me again!

“Later, baby.”

“Bye.”

Dazed, she disconnected and stood. This is happening. Entering the room, time seemed to distort.

“You okay?” Joey asked. The girls focused on her and she shook her head, sinking heavily into the spot she’d vacated.

“I’m wondering if I know what the hell I’m doing. Shooter makes me feel amazing, but do we really have a future? Can our worlds merge together enough for us to happily exist together?”

“I think reality has set in,” Evonne said. Hilary paused the television and they huddled in around Juliette.

“Did he turn into an ass?” Joey narrowed her eyes and pursed her lips.

“No, that’s the problem. I like everything about him. His blunt way of speaking and his tendency to be possessive and commanding. Without making me feel suffocated. He awakens pieces of me I never dreamed existed.” She let her head fall back against the couch.

“So what’s the problem?” Hil shook her head.

“It can’t last. We’re from two different worlds and I’m like ninety-nine percent sure he carries on criminal activities. Plus, how can I feel that way after Peter? Am I that fucking altered?” Juliette closed her eyes and rubbed her lids with her thumbs. “I’m all jumbled up. I don’t want to lose myself in this and not be able to see the forest for the trees.”

“No, this is different. Peter wasn’t upfront, kind or giving. You can’t compare this with that asshole.” Hil words were full of anger. They fired from her mouth like bullets from a gun. Juliette opened her eyes and met her friend’s angry gaze. “Don’t let him ruin this for you. What happened was never your fault.”

“I know that, I really do. It just makes it extra hard to let someone in.” Juliette shook her head.

Hilary reached over and grasped her hand, giving it a quick squeeze. “But you did open up to Shooter. He scaled your walls and made you comfortable enough to start a deep relationship. I won’t lie and say things between the two of you will be easy, or that it’ll work out in the end. But I will say this is the happiest I’ve seen you in a long time.”

Hilary’s words warmed her heart. “Yeah?” Juliette tilted her head and offered up a shaky smile. Sometimes healing hurt.

“Most definitely,” Hilary said, returning her smile.

“I don’t think the possibility of crashing and burning is what really scares you. It’s the loss of control. As one control freak to another, I understand the panic,” Evonne whispered, a faraway expression on her face. “You trusted the wrong man and it shattered that belief that people are basically good. Now you’re running the gauntlet again with a man who’s anything but meek and mild.” Evonne returned her gaze to Juliette’s. “Last month at Corked we all agreed our lives lacked joy, fun and spontaneity. We had a tough time in adolescence and deep down, we never got over it. Add your ordeal with Peter and it’s tripled. I can’t say what I think about Shooter—it’s too early. Is he unlikely for you? Yes, but he can’t be all-bad or you wouldn’t have gotten this far with him. I’d never tell

you what to do, but it’s my job as your best friend to keep you from hiding from the truth.”

Juliette squeezed her eyes shut. Control was her answer to the cruelness the world had handed her over the years. She might not be able to alter their actions but she could change her own. It was a handy trick, seeming cool, calm and collected while her inner child had a breakdown. Shooter had stripped that power away. It left her bereft and unsure. He had an uncanny skill of seeing through her facade.

“Do you feel unsafe?” Hil frowned leaning in to study her face.

“No. I feel safer than I’ve ever felt in my life.” Juliette looked down. “Not that I have much to go off with my hit-it-and-quit-it father. Maybe this is me finally hitting the daddy issues. ’Cause you know the horrific mess with Peter wasn’t enough.” Memories of his sick request to join in sexual acts with multiple partners, and stifling control made her chest ache. He’d gone from a concerned and doting partner to a man who needed to know where she was and who she was with every single moment of the day.

“Don’t you dare.” Joey snapped. With her piss-and-vinegar attitude she was known for in full effect, she was a woman to be reckoned with. “You fought long and hard to move past the void your father’s bad decisions made.” Joey’s hair fell into her face as she shook her head back and forth.

“Why else would I act so out of character?” Juliette glanced up.

“Maybe you’re just learning who you really are.” Hilary placed a hand on her shoulder. “After the breakup you sort of tucked back into your shell.” Juliette opened her mouth to protest and Hil rushed on. “We all understood why, but you never quite got back on track. The joy and mischief I saw that night in the club were the only reasons I let you leave with him. I think he could be good for you. The minute you feel concerned about you health or safety from his extra-curricular activities, you can walk away. But in this town, nothing much happens. All the hype from Sons is exaggerated, I’m sure.”

The words made sense, but as usual “easier said than done” applied.

“I think she’s digesting. You know I’m always going to give it to you straight, Jul. Shooter is sick-hot, apparently has hidden depths and has some sort of addiction to you. Ride this out. If you don’t, I think you’ll regret it for the rest of your life,” Joey said.

“Well…shit. When you put it like that…” Juliette sniffed, blinking to clear the water swimming on the surface of her eyes. “I think it’s time I stop being a coward before I find myself old, wrinkled and full of regrets. I need to move around the shadows of things that happened or those people will win.” She took a deep breath. “I know what I want, it’s him. Regardless of everything he brings with him. I don’t know that I’ve ever felt so alive or wanted. I think a part of me has craved feeling essential to a man’s happiness. Not because we’re having sex, or I’m bending over backward to fit some hard-to-attain image. Simply because I am me, and he adores me.”