Bikers Librarian (Lords of Mayhem 1)

“Why? Because you think you have to make some stand? “Hilary rolled her eyes. “This isn’t the Wild Wild West, girl. Peter is insane in the membrane.” She tapped her head. “He’s trying to wear you down. I’m concerned it might be working. You’ve got bags under your eyes for days. I know a cover-up job with concealer when I see it.”

Fuck, why are you always so observant, Hilary? “Can you blame me for losing sleep? I see the situation ramping up, Hil. I’m not ignorant.”

“I never said you were.”

“No, but you think I’m not taking this seriously enough. I’m trying to stay sane. I can’t become a shut-in, afraid to do anything. I have to function.” Juliette rubbed the condensation on her cup. Guilt crept up in her chest, spreading and polluting her psyche. Tell her. “You girls have no clue how fucked-up I was when that ended. For weeks, months even, I constantly looked over my shoulder, checked my locks and waited for him to return. He’s not the type of man you walk away from without dire consequences. I never went into detail about his kink.” Juliette held up her hand, stopping the tongue-lashing she knew Hilary wanted to give. “And I won’t now. All you need to know is it put me in a dark, terrified space. I don’t want to go anywhere near that place again. What you see as rebellion is a woman clinging to her independence. I’m not reckless. I’m weighing the risks.”

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Hilary whispered.

“You guys already looked at me like I’d become a lifetime movie, and to be honest I felt like an idiot and you guys were already in mama mode. Hell you still are.” She snickered.

A wounded expression crossed Hilary’s face. “We care about you.”

“I know, and I’m grateful. I couldn’t have come out of that situation stronger without you. But it’s time for the baby bird to leave the nest. My wing is mended and I have to try to fly solo.” Their gazes locked. “You understand.”

“You’ve always been the meekest one, Jul, it’s hard to ignore a lifetime of behavior. I think we all felt guilty for not seeing this. I mean he was your first serious rel

ationship. We should’ve read him the riot act and been all up in his shit. You were always so focused on school and your career it was like you never saw guys. ” Hilary’s voice distorted. “So when you met him at the library and he pursued you, we were all overjoyed thinking you had landed such a great catch. I remember being envious of you watching him wine and dine you. It kills me knowing I felt that way while you were going through hell.”

“Oh honey,” Juliette reached across and grasped her hand. “Is this why you’re so protective now?”

Hilary’s eyes were glossy as she sniffed. “Yes.”

“Don’t feel that way. I know deep down you were happy for me. We all feel twinges of the green-eyed monster from time to time. It’s what we do with the emotion that mattered. No one knew. Peter’s a master at hiding it. Trust me, I got off lucky.”

Hilary pulled her hand away and wiped at her eyes. “Damn you for being so understanding. I know I’ve been a borderline bitch lately. I’m sorry for that. I’m not myself.”

“This divorce is taking a lot out of you. We know that.”

“It’s so damn hard finding out the fairytale you grew up wanting was nothing more than a prettily packaged lie.” Hilary took a deep breath. ”Especially when they want to pull you apart like a wishbone because they both want you to pick a side.”

“I still can’t believe it. They always seemed so happy,” Juliette whispered, happy to talk about something else.

“I know. Makes you wonder if there is such a thing as true love anymore.” The dejection in Hilary’s voice made her heart ache. She’d never had a father figure, but she could imagine finding out your father’s reputation was a fabrication would be a huge blow.

“I don’t know about true love. This constant state of bliss you stumble upon accidentally is hard to wrap my head around. A connection deeper than any you’ve had with someone else feels like an accurate description. You find that person whose vibes resonate with your own and suddenly you’re discovering new aspects of yourself and compromising to the point of breaking. Because you know if you lose this link you’ll never find it again.” Toying with the black necklaces that dangled around her collarbone, Juliette digested the words she’d spoken aloud. She meant them all. When did we get so deep?

Hilary gasped. “You love him. The look on your face just now, coupled with your eloquent speech…this is more than like.”

“Oh my god, you’re right.” Chills raced down her spine. The pieces all came together and clicked with a force that would’ve knocked her on her ass if she hadn’t been sitting.

“You didn’t know,” Hilary said.

Juliette tilted her head and peered up at her friend from beneath lowered lashes. “I think deep down I did. I’m not the type of woman to bend so far without reason.”

“It’s crazy how the two of you are weathering all this. Shooter struck me as the leaving type.” Hil looked apologetic.

“I would’ve agreed with you that first night, but the truth is, he gave me my life back. Before him, I was going through the motions, afraid to actually put myself out there. The club was me dipping a toe into the pool. Meeting Shooter forced me into sink-or-swim mode. He sees the world in a completely different light, a simplistic view that makes happiness easy. It takes away all the pressures society places on you.”

“Wow. Not your typical biker?” Hil inclined her head.

“I don’t know. Maybe they’re misunderstood.” Juliette shrugged.

“Whatever it is, I’m grateful. Even with Peter looming in the wings, this is the happiest I’ve seen you.”

Juliette waited, running over the time they’d spent together. It’d happened fast and unexpectedly, like lighting striking the sand, forming a one-of-a-kind, beautifully twisted glass creation that would never be duplicated.

“God, what if he doesn’t feel the same way?” Her throat tightened and her head spun.