Live Free (Lords of Mayhem 3)

“Help me understand, Evonne. Why?” He peered down at the girl cuddled against his side as he tried to share his warmth.

“I wanted to be numb, shut down. Every second of the day I’m awake, my brain is screaming at me, telling me I ruined my parents’ lives, their marriage, and…” She swallowed. “Paul’s.”

“You can’t take all that on yourself; you’ll go insane.”

“Hence the…recreation.”

“How are you feeling now?” He narrowed his eyes. She appeared calmer. Like the jitters had run their course.

“Like I’m a balloon tethered by a thin string but better than before.”

“You have to swear to me you won’t try this stuff again, Evonne,” Rocky said.

Her eyes widened at the sound of her given name. “I promise.”

“My mom, she was an all-right kid until she met the wrong asshole and got knocked up. My staunch Catholic Italian family kicked her out. She scraped by with shitty jobs, hating her life, and then she discovered coke. It gave her a way to forget everything. But it warped her, made her mean, nasty and hurtful. I have very few good memories of her.” He shook his head. “I grew up, scrounging for food, avoiding the fists of her flavor of the month and watching her wither away as she whored herself out for her next fix.” His muscles tensed as he relived the horrific events of his life. “She just stopped caring about anything else. I made it until seventeen and I left. I was good with my hands, so I started fighting for money underground to support myself while I finished up high school. That’s where I found Mayhem.”

“Oh God, Rocco.”

“Don’t pity me. I didn’t tell you this to have that happen.”

“I don’t—I’m not.” She stumbled over her words.

He narrowed his eyes and shook his head. He couldn’t gauge her when she was like this. “I’m only telling you this so you understand how serious I am right now. No more, ever.”

“I understand.” She bowed her head.

At her meek sorrowful action, he winced. “Shit, Evonne, don’t look at me like I kicked you.”

“I didn’t mean to bring up all this bad shit,” she said.

“I know you didn’t. Life’s got a fucked-up way of sneaking up on you. Nothing stays hidden forever.” He shook his head. “And no judgment on my part. You saw a way to help you deal, and you tried it. It’s recreation for a lot of people, but I can’t handle it. I almost lost my mind when I realized you’d taken some of it. Can’t do it again,” Rocky said.

“You won’t. I won’t.” She shook her head, her face solemn. “I know it’s time I face things head-on. Soon as I get my head back into some semblance of order.” She rubbed her temples.

“Don’t force it.” Rocky shook his head, thinking of the times his mom had gone paranoid. “When my mom went into a bad place she got paranoid as fuck. She’d barricade us in the house, turn off all the lights and make us both lay on the floor real quiet and still. You never know what this shit will do to you. We need to keep shit as happy and even as possible.”

Her body trembled. “What if we can’t?”

“Hey. You and me have plenty of good shit to talk about.”

“Like?”

“You getting your own vest and officially becoming my old lady. Every time I try to get into the shit, something else pops off,” he said.

“Is there some sort of ceremony or something?” she asked.

Rocky threw his head back and laughed until his belly ached. “Naw, but they do throw a big fucking party.”

“I think we could all use that about now,” Evonne said.

“No shit, Firecracker,” Rocky said.

“Can you let me settle up my mess first?” she asked.

“Of course, but after that you’re all mine. So, you’d better let your parents know.”

She nodded. “Don’t think they’ll be much of a problem anymore.”