What the Heart Knows

The car jerked to a stop as he hastily pulled into her parking place and turned off the ignition. He released his seatbelt and leaned over to wind his fingers in her hair as he spoke in hushed tones.

“From the moment we met I’ve been helpless to resist your siren’s call. I don’t know what you see in me or why you’re willing to look past my many shortcomings, but I am grateful. I

have a lot to tell you tonight, and I’m not sure how you’ll feel about me when I’m done.”

“Oliver, I l—”

“No, wait until after you know everything before you say those words to me.”

He placed a gentle kiss on her lips before he moved away. She sat in stunned silence as he exited the car and came around to the passenger side to help her out. Each step they took filled her with more fear as her mind became overrun with wild scenarios. By the time they reached her apartment her nerves were stretched taut like a bow. She unlocked the door, and walked over to the couch where she sat with her hands in her lap and waited for him to lock up and join her.

Instead of sitting, Oliver paced the floor in front of her.

“You know my wife died a few years back in a car accident, but what you don’t know is I was the one driving.”

“What?”

“It was raining, and the car beside us swerved into our lane. I veered to the left to avoid hitting them, and we hydroplaned. There was nothing I could do once the tires began to spin. Our car crashed into the guard rail and went off the embankment and into the water below.”

His face lost all color and he trembled as he continued to wear a hole into her carpet. His green eyes were dazed, and she knew instantly he was somewhere else.

“I knew the minute we hit the water our time was limited. But the impact slammed my head into the window. I was dazed. By the time I could move my limbs the car was half submerged, and sinking like a stone. I unbuckled my seatbelt and turned to Hannah, only to find her unconscious and slumped in her seat. I leaned over to try to wake her, but she was out cold. The water was up to my neck, and I took one last deep breath before we were fully submerged. I tried to free her from her seatbelt, but it wouldn’t budge, and she wouldn’t wake up. Tiny bubbles shot from her nose and I knew she was breathing in the water. I never felt so helpless in my entire life. I struggled with the seatbelt until my lungs began to burn and my vision started to go black. Self preservation took over and I swan to the surface… and I left her there.”

Her jaw dropped. What did you say to a story like that? A part of her was horrified that he’d left Hannah, but what sense would him drowning make? Unlike Romeo and Juliet there was no reason for their tragedy to end in a two-person death count. She glanced up and felt her heart bleed. Oliver stood in the middle of the floor with his head down and his gaze trained on the floor. His shoulders were slouched and the air of defeat and depression was almost tangible. She’d never seen him look so broken.

“Oliver.” She stood from her seat and walked over to stand beside him in the middle of the room. “Look at me.” Juni placed her hand beneath his chin and lifted his head.

“It wasn’t your fault. You didn’t cause the accident, and you did all you could.”

“Did I?” he asked. He glanced up at her with tear-filled green eyes. “If I loved her as much as I claimed I would have stayed down there with her. Instead I swam off like a coward, and that’s something I have to live with for the rest of my life.”

“Oliver.” She sighed. “Honey, you can’t carry this weight around for the rest of your life.”

“Why not? It’s what I deserve.”

“You can’t really believe that.”

“A part of me really does.”

“And the other part?”

“Realizes how irrational I sound.”

“I understand how hard it is to be the one who survives, Oliver, but it’s no more your fault that your seatbelt didn’t jam than it is mine for receiving a transplant on time when some of my friends didn’t.” She smoothed his hair back from his face and placed a gentle kiss on his lips.

“This does nothing to change the way I feel about you.”

“But I—”

“Shh. I love you, Oliver Young. That means accepting everything about you. Between the two of us we have enough baggage to fill an airplane. Perhaps that’s why we understand each other so well. I like to think we were brought together to heal.”

“Even with the craziness going on you still believe that?” He pulled away from her hands to gaze into her eyes.

“Don’t you?” she asked. His hesitation made her nervous. Hadn’t he just told her he loved her in the car?

“I’m not sure what I believe anymore.” Oliver shook his head and took a step back. The action felt like a slap to the face.

“So, what you said in the car means nothing now?”