Echoes in the Mist (Kingsleys in Love 1)
Page 124
“True. But she haunts me nonetheless.”
“I don’t believe in ghosts. Neither do you.”
“You haven’t seen one.”
“Nor have you.”
“Then what the hell have I seen?” Trenton rose, clasping his head in his hands. “She’s appeared to me again and again … I’ve lost count of how many times. She begs me not to hurt her, her journal entries do the same. And I did hurt her that last night … I wanted to hurt her. I shook her and flung her to the sand, not once, but twice. The second time she fell into the water. … I remember the river dousing the hem of her gown. I was blinded by rage and hatred. She shouted my name … again and again … but at some point I recall only silence. I walked away and never looked back. Maybe I did kill her! Has that possibility ever occurred to you?”
“No … it hasn’t.” Dustin rose and went to his brother. “She was alive when you left her, Trent. You told me so yourself. The only reason you’re feeling these doubts is because someone is compelling you to feel them. Don’t let that bastard win. Fight back, Trent. You of all people know how. You also have someone to fight for.”
Trenton met his brother’s gaze. “How is she?” he asked hoarsely.
“Ariana, like you, is a fighter. She’s determined to find a way to uncover the truth … for your sake.”
“Did she ask you to come to Spraystone?”
“No. She has no idea that I’m here, nor does she intend to beg or demand that you return to Broddington. What she wants is to eliminate the cause of your suffering so you’ll come back on your own. She’s an incredibly loyal, selfless young woman.” Dustin’s voice grew soft. “That doesn’t mean you aren’t in her thoughts. You are. Every minute.”
“I never stop thinking of her,” Trenton returned in a strangled tone. “Every bloody bird, every flower reminds me of her. I hear her laughter in every corner of Spraystone, feel her softness in my arms at night. Dammit, Dustin, I need her so badly.” He gave a mirthless laugh. “I’d finally stopped fighting the inevitable, steeled myself to relinquish the cursed autonomy I’d held on to all these years. But now everything’s changed, my world is in chaos … and I won’t destroy Ariana’s life along with my own.”
“You’re destroying both your lives by staying away.”
“What can I offer her? My torment? My insanity?”
“Your love.” Dustin clamped his hands firmly on Trenton’s shoulders. “Let’s stop speaking in euphemisms, Trent. You’re in love with your wife. You know it. I know it. Isn’t it about time Ariana knew it too?”
“What good would it do to tell her?”
“None, unless you intend to behave like a real husband. Go home. Be strong for your wife; the way she’s strong for you.”
“To what end?” Trenton’s eyes were dulled more with pain than with the effects of alcohol. “Answer me that, Dustin. If I go to Ariana, tell her of my love, accept hers in return, what can that do but hurt her? I can’t change the events of the past, nor can I promise her a future. Not if I’m a madman, a murderer … or both. So what could be gained from speaking my heart?”
“It would give you the strength you need to get through this nightmare. It would give Ariana the joy she deserves to awaken to each new day. That in itself is reason enough, despite what the future may hold.”
“She deserves more.”
“She loves you.”
“I love her too.” Trenton spoke the words aloud for the first time, stunned at how easily they emerged. “I want to give her everything … all the lost years of childhood she never had, all the luxuries her scoundrel brother robbed her of, all the indulgences she was never permitted.” Trenton shook his head in disbelief. “Do you know she actually feels inferior to Vanessa? That she’s convinced that her beauty, her vibrancy, all that she is, are secondary to the attributes of her despicable sister? And what’s worse, my tenderhearted wife merely accepts all this as given, harboring no resentment, no jealousy, only kindness and compassion for that slut of a sister and parasite of a brother.”
“Not any more,” Dustin interjected.
Trenton swung around, a questioning look on his face.
“You haven’t spent the past few days with Ariana, Trent. I have. Whatever pieces were still missing I filled in for her. And while I don’t disagree that she is grossly unaware of her own radiance and self-worth, I can vouch for the fact that she no longer views her family through subjective eyes. Not Baxter, and not Vanessa.”
A muscle worked in Trenton’s jaw. “That shouldn’t surprise me. When I recounted the past to Ariana, she listened to every detail … and believed me. She took my word … that of the unknown blackguard who forced her to the altar … over her family’s, and never doubted me. Not once. Faith such as that is humbling.”
“I agree. It comes along once in a lifetime—if you’re lucky. You happen to be lucky. So don’t be a stubborn fool and let it get away.” Dustin gripped Trenton’s shoulders. “You can give her all those things you described. But all she really wants is you.”
“And Christmas,” Trenton added in a voice thick with emotion. “I promised her Christmas.”
“What?”
“Ariana hasn’t had a real Christmas since her parents died. She misses it terribly. A holiday celebration with all the elaborate trimmings is her greatest wish. It’s all she’s ever asked of me.”
Dustin nodded his understanding. “I remember she mentioned something about her long-ago Christmases when I showed her around Broddington. She spoke of Winsham’s Christmas trees, the drawing room’s transformation to a winter garden.”