"No. Well, yes. But not in the way you mean."
Slowly Courtney sank onto the bed, regarding her friend with keen insight. "You're falling in love with him, aren't you?"
To Aurora's horror, tears welled up in her eyes. "Yes," she managed. "And I can't seem to stop it from happening."
"Why would you want to?"
"Because it changes everything. Because adventure and excitement—even passion—are diversions, while love is profound, real. Because my emotions are in turmoil. I can't control them nor do I fully understand them." A pause. "And because Julian would hate the idea."
"Ah. So that's what this is all about." Courtney skipped over the bulk of her friend's tirade and focused on her final statement. "You're worried about Julian's reaction when you declare your love."
"You can't imagine how vehemently he's going to resist the whole idea."
"Oh, can't I?" Courtney's eyes sparkled. "You, my dear friend, have a very short memory. Last spring, 'twas you who were counseling me about this very thing."
"That was entirely different."
"Really? How so?"
"Because I knew Slayde was in love with you. So, for that matter, did he. He was just too much of a dolt to accept your love in return."
"And Julian?"
"Julian is a stubborn, self-contained loner who refuses to share his thoughts or his feelings, much less his heart."
"That sounds remarkably like a description of Slayde when I met him." Courtney leaned forward and took Aurora's hands in hers. "I realize the two men are not exactly alike, nor are the circumstances that defined their lives. But they do share quite a few similarities—strong ones. Surely you've noticed."
A morose nod. "I've noticed. Unfortunately all the traits they share are negative ones. They're like two immovable rocks. Only Julian, unlike Slayde, has no desire—or reason—to budge."
"I'm sure Lawrence and Chilton had a lot to do with that fact." Courtney's expression grew thoughtful. "Remember, Slayde never had to endure the ostracism and rejection Julian did. I can't imagine that was easy."
"It's more than Lawrence's renunciation that shaped Julian's outlook," Aurora replied quietly, giving voice to the conclusion she'd drawn after listening to Julian fervently, albeit reluctantly, discuss his brother. "Hugh's death had a lot to do with Julian's remoteness—perhaps more than Julian himself realizes. He and his brother were very close."
"Hugh died quite young," Courtney murmured. "If I recall correctly, Slayde told me it happened his first year at Oxford. Are you saying that as a result of Julian's loss and the pain it incited, he cut himself off emotionally?"
"Yes. But I think it goes far deeper than that." Aurora frowned. "Courtney, Hugh was sickly all his life. Julian spent much of his childhood coming to grips with the fact that there was nothing he could do to change the reality of his brother's frailty, that no matter how hard he prayed, he couldn't transfer his own vigor to Hugh. He felt helpless and guilty. I think there's a part of my husband that feels responsible for Hugh's death—not for causing it, but for being unable to prevent it. He's never been the same since Hugh died. I believe the reason for that is because, upon Hugh's death, Julian lost not only the sole person who mattered to him, but a piece of himself as well."
"Poor Julian." Courtney's eyes softened with compassion. "No wonder he chose the path of an adventurer. 'Tis far easier to remain detached when you never stay still long enough to face others … or yourself."
"Exactly. And he's managed to accomplish precisely that—up until now, that is. Coincident with Julian's homecoming, everything changed. He's been plunged into the heart of his past and his pain."
"By whom?"
"His father."
"Lawrence?" Courtney gasped. "What impact could that monster possibly have on Julian's life n
ow? He's dead!"
"But his cruelty is very much alive. He's blackmailing Julian into doing his bidding, using Julian's feelings for Hugh as bait." Aurora proceeded to explain the terms of Lawrence's will and their effect on her husband. "Julian is driven. He's fighting to redeem himself in a way that has nothing to do with his father's rejection and everything to do with his own sense of guilt and loss."
"No wonder Julian is so consumed with finding that diamond," Courtney realized aloud.
"And why, once he has, he'll resume his life as it was," Aurora added bleakly.
"With one exception: now he has a wife. A wife he elected—no, fought—to marry, one with whom he'll doubtless prefer to roam the globe."
"So long as all she demands of him is to share his adventures and his bed."