She drew a circle on my knee. “Maybe a little. But also, a few days ago you would never have had fun at a Christmas market. I like hearing that you’re in a more festive mood.”
“Why?” I asked, genuinely intrigued. Why did she care if I enjoyed Christmas?
“I want everyone to love it. I can’t bear the thought of the people around me not being happy. How can Christmas be perfect if everyone’s not happy?”
I’d gotten to know Celia over the last few days and I knew she wasn’t some naïve girl who still believed in fairytales, but there was something about Christmas that had her on a mission. “But nothing’s perfect,” I said.
“Don’t say that.” She closed her eyes for one beat then two. When she opened them, her blue-blue eyes had that look I recognized. Like everything hinged on Christmas. Like everything hung in the balance. “This Christmas is going to be perfect. And it’s going to erase every imperfect thing about last Christmas.”
I reached out and brushed my thumb over her cheekbone. “What happened last Christmas?”
Thirteen
Celia
The way Sebastian touched me—just with the lightest sweep of his fingers—made me wish, just for a second, that we were both wearing a lot less clothing. The way he’d dealt with my car breaking down and finding us a room—his taking control had been a relief. He was so sure he could find a solution that I believed he would. And he had. It felt freeing that I didn’t have to take responsibility for absolutely everything. I could rely on Sebastian. Trust him. And I wasn’t sure if was that or if it was his perfectly cut jaw and ice-blue eyes that had me hoping he wouldn’t be sleeping on top of the covers tonight.
Sebastian pulled off his jumper and arranged himself on the bed, resting against the headboard, his legs crossed at the ankle. He patted the bed next to him, like he really wanted to hear what I had to say.
I moved around the bed and then lay on my side, my head propped up on my hand. “Last Christmas was . . . difficult. My boyfriend left me on Christmas Eve. I came home from checking on the market, wondering why he hadn’t joined me as he said he was going to, to find his bags packed and already in his car. Our car.” It was like the threads of my future had been trapped in the car door, and as he drove away, everything I thought was in store for me unraveled.
“I’m sorry,” Sebastian said, his deep, silky voice winding around my body.
“Shitty timing,” I said. “I’d thought he was building up to a proposal. We’d been talking about moving to a bigger place in the village. And he’d been asking Lemon about my ring size. And then . . . not. The exact opposite, in fact. It was just unexpected, that’s all.”
“He was an idiot.”
It was a kind thing to say but I didn’t believe it. “Maybe. It took the shine off the holidays last year, that’s all.” I’d spent Christmas Day and Boxing Day in bed, ignoring my phone and the numerous knocks on the door. I couldn’t face anyone. I just wanted to forget that Christmas was happening. “I’m determined that the bad memories won’t ruin every Christmas for me. This year, I want to make up for last year’s lost Christmas—make new memories and consign last Christmas to a bin marked Do Not Open.” I tried to make the words have a no-big-deal vibe about them, but even to me they came out flat and a little sad. The fact was, the closer Christmas Eve came, the more my desperation increased. I wasn’t sure I could face another bad Christmas.
“Why did he leave?”
I blew out a breath. “I have no idea. He just said it wasn’t working. I thought he’d go but we’d end up talking it through and eventually he’d come back, but none of that happened. Except the ‘him going’ part. We haven’t spoken since he left.”
“He was a coward.” Sebastian paused as if he wanted to say more but didn’t. “How long were you together?”
“Six years.” I felt stupid every time I thought about it. How had he walked away so easily from a six-year relationship? “I thought I’d found the one. You know? I thought we’d get married, have babies, grow old in Snowsly. Guess life doesn’t always go to plan.”
“What a dick.”
I forced a smile. “You sound like Lemon.”
“What? Sour?”
I laughed and for a second all I wanted to do was kiss Sebastian. “My best friend’s name is Lemon. You’re not a lemon. She’s always telling me Carl is an idiot, but if he was a dick all along, what does it say about me that I was planning a future with him?”