“Keys to what?”
He pulled them out of my hand, stood and ushered me to the front door.
He grabbed the blue and white bobble hat I’d worn to the Snowsville Christmas market and plonked it on my head, so low I had to push it up to see.
Then he opened the door.
“Ivy tells me people fill each other’s stockings with practical gifts,” he said. “I couldn’t find a stocking big enough, but I think this fits the brief.” He stepped aside to reveal a bright red Mini.
It was as if someone had thrown a snowball at me and it had landed square in my chest, knocking out my breath.
“You’d be better off with a Land Rover around here, but I didn’t think it would particularly suit you,” he said. “So I chose a Mini. With four-wheel drive.”
I knew I should say something, but what? “You . . . bought me a car?”
“You need one,” he said, like he’d just bought me a colander. “I don’t know how your petrol tank suddenly emptied itself, but a car that’s doing stuff like that isn’t safe.”
He wasn’t wrong, but a car? “So you fixed it. Like the web site and branding and the tree . . . bringing influencers and journalists to the market. You like to fix things.”
“Are you upset?” he glanced at me and pushed his hands into his pockets.
I was being rude. “Of course not.” I reached for him, wrapping my arms around his waist. “It’s just . . . No one’s ever bought me a car before. I’m a little lost for words. But completely in a good way. Thank you. It’s incredibly generous of you. Are you sure?”
He pressed a kiss to the top of my head as we stood gazing at the brand-new Mini. “Of course I’m sure. Just one condition, I don’t want you to drive it for the first time in the dark. Can you wait until tomorrow?”
He was so caring and protective. I would never have guessed it when I’d first met him. But if he cared enough to buy me a car and worry about my safety, couldn’t he care enough to stay? I knew it was hopeless, but I couldn’t help but wish. “If I didn’t know you were so determined to leave, I might try to convince you to stay.”
He pulled me tighter. “I can’t.”
“Not even just for Christmas? I heard Barbados is beautiful in January.”
“The last two weeks have been . . . great. Much . . . better than I expected.”
I rolled my eyes. Here was the grinch back. “Well, on behalf of Snowsly, we’re pleased it hasn’t been so much of an endurance for you to be back. And we’ll see you in another ten years.” As soon as I’d said the words, I wished I could take them back, or at least re-say them without the snappish tone. I didn’t want to ruin anything. I just didn’t want him to leave.
A twitch at the corner of Sebastian’s eye hinted that we were veering into uncomfortable territory. “You’re a great person, Celia.”
My stomach churned at his words and I shook my head. “We don’t need to have this conversation. It was a joke that came out wrong. I know this was never anything more than a . . . pre-Christmas fling. And it’s been lovely.” My voice had reached ridiculously high notes. “I don’t want to spoil it.”
“I’ll be up more often now. Granny’s getting older and it’s selfish to expect her to come to London. And Griffin being here in thirty minutes in his helicopter—well, I’d never considered that I could cut out the drive like that. I’ll be around, but—”
“I never had any expectations and I’m not asking for anything.” I really wasn’t but at the same time, if he’d turned around to me and said, I’ve really enjoyed this and I really like you and I’d like to see how things go, and what if you come up to London and I can come up to Snowsly—urgh how was I holding out hope for something so completely unrealistic?
I hadn’t even let my brain dare think about these things before now. It was always completely clear that whatever was between us would be fleeting and short-lived. That had always been fine—better, even, because I didn’t have to think about anything but him when we were together. Not the future, not the past. Only now I couldn’t help but think about all the what-ifs. All the maybes. All these things he could have said but hadn’t.
I’d never really expected that he would.
It just would have been nice to spend this Christmas with a man as good and decent as Sebastian. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that the past few weeks with Sebastian had been more fun than all the years I’d spent with Carl. I liked Sebastian, so much. And I thought he liked me. It seemed such a wasted chance.