She sighed. “Yeah, she said you’d been. That’s very good of you to change your holiday plans. You know what?” she asked, her tone brightening, but still melancholy underneath. “I’m going to imagine myself back at Snowsly this year.”
She sounded so low. So sad. I wasn’t sure if she never sounded like this or if I’d just never heard it—tuned it out somehow. Like I’d learned to tune out their fighting. My brain started to jog into gear, then broke into a sprint.
“I’ve got an idea,” I said. “A proposition, if you like.”
“Tell me,” she replied.
I couldn’t believe I was about to suggest what I was going to say. But Granny was getting older and I wasn’t a child anymore. And I’d had a damn good time the last few weeks. I didn’t need to lie to convince my mother that Snowsly was still a magical place—because it was still a magical place. And if that was the case, why was I heading to Barbados for Christmas?
Why in the hell wasn’t I spending Christmas with my family? My Snowsly family.
“Why don’t we both go to Snowsly for Christmas next year?”
I thought I heard a half-sob on the other end of the phone. “There’s nothing I’d love more than to spend Christmas with you again, Sebastian. Being in Snowsly would be the icing on the cake.”
“The Christmas cake,” I added and she let out a half-laugh. “It was good to talk to you, mum.”
“And you, my darling son.”
“I’ll call you tomorrow to wish you a Happy Christmas.”
We said our goodbyes and I hung up, feeling like a lifetime’s worth of unspoken truths had finally been said and a childhood of acrimony had melted away.
I felt lighter. Happier. And I felt bloody festive. Spending next year in the UK for Christmas didn’t seem so daunting. What did I have to lose? I knew I’d let go of the lost Christmases I’d never experienced as a child. I wasn’t a child anymore. If it turned out to be terrible, it wasn’t the end of the world. But the last weeks had shown me that Snowsly in the run-up to Christmas was anything but terrible. It was full of warmth and kindness and people looking out for each other. There was nothing to suggest that was all going to dry up as soon as the clock struck midnight on Christmas Eve. Next year, I’d spend Christmas in Snowsly and finally get the Christmas I’d always wanted as a child. Hopefully, Granny would be thrilled.
I turned back to unwrapping the present Celia had bought me. The first one was square and hard and felt a lot like a book. I ripped back the paper to reveal a copy of The Night Before Christmas.
I opened the cover and inside was an inscription.
Even if you don’t like Christmas, I know for sure you like what comes before.
She was right. I’d enjoyed all the buildup. The happiness on people’s faces as they shopped in the market. The lights that seemed to make the dark something to crave. And the hot chocolate—with or without brandy. I’d even started to enjoy the dulcet tones of Michael bloody Bublé.
I set the book to one side and opened the second gift. It was a framed photograph of Snowsly, obviously taken in the last few days. The Manor stood tall and proud in the background, while in the foreground, Celia had managed to capture the delight and activity of the Christmas market. I turned it over as if searching for more. And I found it. On the back, she’d written, To keep you company on Christmas Day. Wish you were here.
A deep sense of belonging settled low in my chest. What was I doing? What was I running from? If I was prepared to risk Christmas in Snowsly next year, then why not now?
“Bradley?”
Our eyes met briefly in the rear view. “Yes?”
“Please turn the car around and head back to Snowsly. I’m going to be spending Christmas in the Cotswolds.”
Twenty-Four
Celia
There was only one explanation for me hiding behind a bush, two hot chocolates in hand. It was dark, freezing cold, and my thighs burned because of the half-squat I’d forced myself into. I dipped my head as I silently chastised myself for wearing my bright red Christmas hat. At least I’d turned off the flashing lights of my favorite Christmas cardigan.
The simple explanation for my Twister-inspired pose was that I just couldn’t say goodbye to Sebastian. I had my reasons. I didn’t want to embarrass myself and tell Sebastian how much I wanted him to stay. I didn’t want to let the tears that were gathering in the corners of my eyes overspill. And I didn’t want to ruin my Christmas. I was still determined that everything was going to be perfect. Even if I was alone.