I walk over and sit down on the sofa across from her, a large wooden coffee table dividing us.
“The reasons all sound like excuses to me,” I say.
She bristles. “Probably because you’re Avery’s father, Harry. You get to have her forever, no matter what happens with your love life.”
“Do you really think I’d cut you out of her life if you didn’t want to be with me?”
I know Winter has a low opinion of me, but surely after seeing who I am after living together for a couple of months, she has to know I’m not the villain she thought I was.
“I don’t think you’d cut me all the way out, no. But what if we didn’t work out, which is likely? You wouldn’t want me living with you anymore.”
“You don’t know that. And why is it likely?”
She stands up and walks over to the wall of windows, her eyes flashing with anger.
“Because that’s who you are! Dirty Harry. You’re the king of loving ‘em and leaving ‘em. I witnessed you do it to Mal. You broke her heart.”
She stops talking, her voice unsteady with emotion. I have to tread carefully, but there’s never going to be a better time to put all our cards on the table.
“I didn’t love Mallory.” I sigh heavily. “I don’t know what she told you, but I was upfront with her, Winter. I always am with women. Always. You can ask any woman I’ve been with. I tell them I don’t want to be exclusive. That I’m not looking to get tied down. That’s what I told Mallory, and she told me she wanted the same thing. Just casual, for fun.”
“Don’t you know women say that because they think you’ll end up wanting more?”
I get up from the couch and throw my hands in the air, frustrated. “No. I take women at their word because I don’t assume everyone is a liar, and I think it’s really fucking unfair that you blame me for not being in love with Mallory. I never promised her a relationship. I told her I’d support her and the baby if she was pregnant, and she never said a word to me after that. Don’t you think I’m the one who has a right to be pissed?”
Winter leans against the wall of windows, crossing her arms.
“You’re not doing that to me,” she says, sniffling. “You’re not pulling your no-strings-attached act, just-for-fun bullshit on me, Harry. Find some other woman to fall for it.”
She’s the most infuriating person I’ve ever known. Winter is bound and determined to think the worst of me. I don’t know how to convince her I’m not the awful man she’s made me out to be, and my frustration makes me want to punch a hole through the wall.
“I don’t want a no-strings thing with you,” I say, pacing to the back of the couch. “I never said I did.”
“Then what, Harry? You want me to think you feel something for me? That I’m somehow different from all the others?” The streaks of tears on her face are like a punch to my gut.
“Yeah, that’s what I want you to think,” I say, walking over to her. “Because that’s the truth. You are different, Winter. I do feel something. A lot of fucking things, actually, depending on the day. I’m crazy about you. Literally fucking crazy. No one’s ever done that to me before. How do I prove myself to you? Do you want me to get on my knees?”
“Are you saying…you want a relationship with me?” Her tone is laced with disbelief.
“Yes.” I stop before I reach her, because I know if I touch her right now, she’ll shut down. “That’s what I’m saying. I want us to be exclusive. I’ll be faithful to you. I swear on everything I am.”
She blinks, and more tears spill onto her cheeks. “This is everything Mallory wanted, but she’s dead now. I like you, Harry. A lot. But I feel irrationally guilty, like I’m stealing something from her.”
I take her hands in mine. “You aren’t stealing anything. I never wanted this with her. I know that hurt her, and I’m sorry. I hate that it hurts you, too.”
“It’s not fair,” she says softly. “It’s not fucking fair. She was so young.”
“I know. It’s not fucking fair, not to her or to Avery. I wish—” I stop, my throat tight with emotion. “I wish I had known. I would’ve been there. I need you to fucking know that, Winter. I would have been there, to pay for treatment and take care of her when she was sick. She was the mother of my child.”
Winter releases my hands and covers her face with her palms, sobbing. “I know. I know you would have been there.”
It cuts through me, seeing her in pain like this, but Winter never really got a chance to feel these feelings. She needs to let them out.