“I don’t know. Part of me wants to be more and part of me doesn’t.”
“Did something new happen, or are you hesitating for the same reasons as before?”
Avery is starting to doze off on my shoulder, lulled to sleep by my pacing. I hold her close as I try to sort through my jumbled feelings.
“Both, I guess. I knew Harry wanted to sleep with me, but I didn’t realize he wanted a potential relationship.”
“So, he said he wants you guys to be more then?” Aubrey asks.
“He said he wants us to be together. Exclusively.”
“Wow,” she says softly. “And that came as a surprise to you?”
“More like a complete shock. He said it feels like we’re already a family.”
“Awww.” My sister is a complete romantic. I can’t help but roll my eyes.
“I have to be smart,” I say sternly. “Avery is the most important person in the world to me. I don’t want my relationship with her to be contingent on how my relationship with Harry is going.”
“You think he wouldn’t let you see her anymore if you guys broke up?”
My arms are starting to tire from carrying Avery around, so I sit down in Harry’s favorite recliner and resituate her in my arms.
“I don’t think he’d cut me off, no. But I’m still…”
“Afraid?” she finishes.
“Yeah, that’s a good word for it.”
“I know that feeling.”
“I feel so guilty that I’m here, living the life Mallory wanted. It’s so unfair.”
“It is, but she wanted you to raise Avery. She knows you’ll love her like she’s your own.”
“I will…I mean, I already do. But how would Mal feel about me being with Harry?”
Aubrey sighs softly. “Don’t ask yourself questions like that. She’s gone, and she’d want you to be happy no matter who you end up with.”
A lump forms in my throat. “She would.”
The sound of an infant’s cry in the background makes me smile. “Is that my nephew?”
“Yes. I think he’s hungry again. He’s always hungry.”
“Go take care of your boy. I’m so freaking happy for you, Aubrey, and I’m dying to meet him.”
“We need to get together soon. I mean, not in the next month, but you know what I mean.”
I laugh. “Yeah. Soon-ish. Love you.”
“Love you back.”
I end the call and set the phone down on the arm of the recliner. Avery is sleeping peacefully and I just watch her for a minute, gently putting my index finger in her little hand and wondering if she’ll clasp onto it in her sleep.
I was hoping talking to Aubrey would make things clearer, but I’m more confused than ever. Hoping to clear my mind, I open a reading app on my phone and pick up where I left off in the latest Daniel Silva bestseller. I’ve gotten through a few pages when a text appears on my screen.
Harry Shitbag Stone: Thinking of you.
I smile at my phone screen. Guess I should change the name I have programmed in my phone for him. What’s more fitting for our evolved relationship?
Everything I come up with involves his sexual prowess, and I can’t bring myself to save that under his contact information. I decide to just go with his name.
Me: Same.
Harry Stone: Good thoughts?
Me: Mostly.
Harry Stone: I had such an incredible weekend.
He’s mentioned that at least a dozen times since we got back home, but I never get tired of hearing it.
Me: So did I. I’m sorry I fell asleep so early last night.
Yesterday evening, I whispered in his ear that I wanted him to do dirty things to me once Avery was down for the night, but I couldn’t keep my eyes open. This morning when I woke up in Harry’s bed next to him, he was naked and snoring softly.
Harry Stone: I get it. Babies are exhausting. There’s always tonight.
Me: That’s true.
Harry Stone: I want us to be more than a fantastic weekend away. Tell me what you need from me and I’ll do it. Anything.
Me: Bring home Chinese for dinner tonight?
Harry Stone: Done. But you know what I meant.
Me: I know. I just need some time. I’m thinking about things.
Harry Stone: I’ll give you some more things to think about tonight.
I smile, the feeling of excitement taking over. I’m still sore from our weekend sexcapades, but my body wants more. Harry opened my eyes to some new experiences, and I loved every second. I think my love language may be orgasms.
Me: Will you do that thing with your tongue again?
Harry Stone: As many times as you want.
Me: Did you like it when I was on top?
Harry Stone: I loved every second of every position. And now I’m hard while sitting at my desk at work…
Me: Wish I was sitting on your lap…
Harry Stone: Holy shit, stop. I have a meeting in five minutes.
Me: I want you.
Harry Stone: I’m crazy about you, but I have to turn my phone off now so I can get rid of this boner before my meeting. Be ready for Chinese food and sweaty sex tonight, babe.