“Phew, it’s hot today,” he starts.
I roll my eyes. “What do you expect? It’s summer.”
“Beach is deserted, too.”
“Everyone’s gone home.”
“Oh, right.” He blinks. “Feels like a Sunday still.” After a moment of silence, he clears his throat. “Can we talk?”
“You already are.”
“I’ll just admit it, I don’t get you and Jonah. I know you spent the whole weekend with him, and it was more than just a fling for you, but I keep saying—”
“It was worth it,” I cut him off. “I enjoyed myself. And I made a new friend.”
A new friend.
That term is so inadequate.
We’re more than that. Isn’t that what came out of our time on the balcony? We want whatever we have to live beyond this crazy weekend.
“But … look at you.” Adrian leans back on the steps. “You’re miserable. I can see it all over your face.”
“I’m happy.”
“At least I know what I’m getting into with guys like Rico, or the guys we met together at the club. Hook-ups are just as satisfying. They get you off, and afterwards, you can be free from it. No breaking up. No feelings. No—”
“No meaning. No self-growth. No value.”
He appears confused by my point. “I’m trying to say it’s less messy.”
“Maybe for guys like Rico who know what they’re getting into and asking for, that’s true. But what about other guys you’ve intentionally romanced, who genuinely fall for you? I’ve seen it.” I face him. “You’ll build a guy up, make him think he’s got a real chance with you, then you crush him come Sunday morning. Sometimes even sooner, multiple guys a weekend, if you get bored. What do you think about all the guys whose hearts you’ve broken? How many guys’ hearts have you broken, exactly? Guys you’ve hurt who spend months trying to get over the fantasy you planted in their sad, lonely hearts?”
“I’m just … They’re not …” Adrian huffs and searches for some feeble defense. He’s got none.
“You can play dumb all you want,” I tell him, “but I think a part of you knows you hurt guys. Maybe you even like the reputation you’ve got.”
He glares at me. “I don’t.”
“If that’s true, then it means you apparently just don’t care about the guys you hurt.” I shake my head and turn away. “You’re the fucking worst, Adrian.”
He gazes down at his feet in the sand.
For once, he doesn’t have a comeback.
I don’t know if it’s my own sensitivity right now, or my vulnerable state with Jonah having pulled me wide open only to leave, but I find myself out of fight. My next words come out softer. “Adrian, you’ve gotta learn to be more responsible with people’s hearts. I know you don’t get me. You never understood why I like more serious stuff, why I take more time with guys I meet, searching for something deep, something meaningful. Either it scares you or just looks wrong to you. Maybe when you sabotaged my last relationship, you thought you were …” Here I go, letting Jonah’s words come out of my mouth. “… protecting me.” I look at him. “But you didn’t protect me, Adrian. You hurt me. Badly. Of all hearts I thought you’d never crush, you crushed mine.”
He takes off his shades and starts rubbing his eyes. He says nothing.
I nod, interpreting his silence for him being done. My twin has never been one to actually finish something he starts. “Good talk.” I get to my feet and walk away.
I only make it a few steps before he says, “Kent.”
I stop, my back to him, and wait.
He sighs. “There’s a lot I don’t know, alright? About … how to actually win a guy’s heart. Or have some deep and meaningful … thing or whatever. I look at Finn and Theo, and those dorks make it look so easy. Who the hell wants to have anything serious with a guy like me? No one looks at me and thinks, ‘Damn, I wanna marry that guy.’ They just see some giant, muscular, gorgeous hunk and have no idea what to do but fuck me and be done with it.”
I suppress a rolling of my eyes. At least it isn’t his self-image or confidence that needs any help.
“So maybe you’re right,” he goes on. “I don’t know the first damned thing about serious relationships or guys. You were the one with the boyfriends in high school. You were the one who actually had meaningful dates to the school dances. I think the longest relationship I ever had lasted for … for, uh …”
The whole world stops spinning and waits patiently for Adrian to perform some basic math.
I turn around. “Look, Adrian, you don’t have to want the same things I do. If it satisfies you to have these flings, to fuck the pretty-boy tourists who flock in each weekend and holiday … be the island’s guest. I’m just asking you to be more responsible with their feelings. And to be aware of your own.” I take a breath. “And to stop fucking around with mine.”