“Wow,” was all I could manage to say as I slowly turned in a circle, taking in my surroundings.
The sun had just set, and every star shined bright above the water. I took in the blanket and picnic basket that was perfectly placed in the center of the bow.
“Is this another one of your moves? Do you bring all your girls here? I can see why you get laid as much as you do.” I chuckled to no avail, taking in his stern expression. “What?”
“Sweetness, let’s get one thing straight, alright?” He placed his finger under my chin to get me to look up at him, and I did, anxiously waiting for what he was going to say.
“Anytime we do things together, it’s the first time for me too.”
I shyly smiled, his words warming my heart. Making me feel like shit for what I’d said before.
“If there’s anything important you need to know about me, it’s that I don’t do anything I don’t want to. But with you… I don’t know how to explain it, Kinley. I was drawn to you from the first day you walked into my science class in sixth grade.”
“What?” I jerked back. “You remember that?”
He smiled. “The girl with the turquoise backpack.”
My eyes widened. “Turquoise is my favorite color.”
“It’s mine too.”
“I didn’t know you even knew who I was back then.”
“Of course I knew. I was going to ask you to be my lab partner, but your best friend beat me to it.”
“Oh.”
“Oh? Is that all you can say?”
“Depends. Are you going to say something mean about Jax?” I blurted, unable to hold back.
He cocked an eyebrow. “So you’ve noticed that I don’t care for him?”
“I mean, anytime I say I’m with him, your tone immediately turns sour.” I shrugged. “Do you not like him?”
“I’ll answer that question after you tell me what he thinks about us hanging out.”
I swallowed hard.
“I think you have your own answer built in your question, Kins.”
“We’re best friends.”
“So I’ve heard.”
“He’s just trying to protect me. You don’t have the best reputation, Christian.”
“Jax needs to mind his own fucking business before I do it for him.”
“Whoa.” I raised my hands. “Where did that come from?” I lowered my eyebrows, confused by the turn of events. Instinctively, I peered down at the makeshift picnic he had made for us…
For me.
“I don’t want to fight. Especially after you planned this beautiful picnic. I still don’t know if we’re going to get arrested, but you know, it’s the thought that counts.”
He laughed, throwing his head back, and I took the opportunity to ease his mind.
“You have nothing to worry about when it comes to Jax. I promise. But if you wanted to get to know me back in sixth grade, why wait till now?”
“You’re always with Jax.”
“So?”
“I don’t like to share.”
“Then why now?”
“Honestly… I don’t fucking know. I saw you at the bonfire party, and you looked upset walking into the woods by yourself. I followed you before I even realized what I was doing. It’s the effect you have on me. I lose all sense of control when it comes to you.”
I smiled, and my chest seized. He’d often express the sweetest things. Still, I couldn’t just open my mouth and be sincere with him, tell him what I felt, because every last insecurity that was buried deep within my bones would consume me, bordering on the point of pain.
The truth was I was falling for him. I was only sixteen but felt much older. Mature beyond my years. It had always been that way for me, having to grow up fast and mostly alone. You don’t realize how much of your childhood affects the person you become, the person you are. How memories shape your life, your feelings, and most importantly your love.
“Do you mean that?” I asked, my heart beating fast.
“Here’s another thing you need to know about me, Kinley. I don’t say anything I don’t mean. Since we started hanging out, I find myself doing all sorts of shit I’ve never done before, and I don’t want it to end.”
“You don’t?”
“Do you?”
I shook my head.
“Words, sweetness. I need to hear you say it.”
I took a deep breath, admitting, “I like being with you too, Christian. Although I can’t say I noticed you in science class in sixth grade. I was a mess back then. I didn’t notice a lot of things. It’s why Jax is my best friend. He’s the first person to ever want to get to know me, and I learned a lot about myself through our friendship.”
“What’s that?”
“I have a hard time letting people in, and when push comes to shove, I do the pushing and shoving. I guess it’s how I survived my mother. You know?”
“I know.” He was weighing his words. I could tell by the expression on his face.