I take a deep breath, let it out slowly. “Amy. . . they’re still frozen. ”
“I know,” she says in a calm, even tone. “But I still want to see them. I don’t think I can stand watch on that floor without first seeing them properly. ”
So I go with her.
The lights are already on in the cryo level. Amy steps out first and looks around at the rows and rows of square doors.
I follow her as she silently goes down one aisle. Her fingers bounce on the metal doors. At the end of the row, Amy turns to me.
“I don’t even know which one is them. ” She sounds lost.
“I can look that up,” I say. I go around her to the table at the end of the row and pick up the floppy on it.
“What were their names?” I say.
“Maria Martin and Bob—Robert Martin. ”
I tap their names onto the on-screen keyboard. “Numbers 40 and 41,” I say. Before I can put the floppy down, Amy’s running up the rows, counting under her breath. She stops in front of the two side-by-side doors labeled with her parents’ numbers.
“Do you want me to open it?” I ask.
Amy nods her head, yes, but when I step forward with my arm outstretched, she grabs my hand. “I’ll do it,” she says, but she doesn’t, she just stands there, looking at the closed doors.
35
AMY
I WANT TO SEE THEM.
I want to trace Mom’s laugh lines with my eyes. I want to touch Daddy’s scruffy beard with my smooth cheek.
I want to see them.
But I don’t want to see them as frozen meat.
36
ELDER
“AMY?”
Amy and I both whirl around. Harley is standing at the end of the row.
“What have you been doing down here?” I ask.
Harley yawns as he walks over to us. “Standing guard. Like we said we would. No one’s been down here but you two. ”
“I’ll stay tonight,” I say guiltily, looking at the dark circles under Harley’s eyes.
“Nah, you won’t. ” Harley grins at me. “You can’t. Eldest would notice. I don’t mind it down here. It’s quiet and gives me a chance to paint. ” I know Harley. I know how obsessed he can get. He’s probably spent more time looking at the stars than guarding the frozens.
I lean in closer, so Amy won’t hear. “But your meds—”
I’m not just talking about the blue-and-white Inhibitor pill we both take, that everyone in the Ward takes. Harley’s been on more meds than that, for his “episodes,” ever since—
“I’ll be fine,” Harley says and even though I’m not sure I believe him, I can tell from the way he’s looking at Amy that he doesn’t want to discuss this issue in front of her.
“Why don’t you come with us? Amy’s finding her parents,” I say.