He’s blind, he’s hurt, and he’s dying.
And there’s nothing we can do to stop it.
It doesn’t matter that I hadn’t intended this. It’s done.
And I was the one who did it.
21: AMY
I want him to rage.
I want him to roar, to fight, to flip the table and attack us.
That’s the Orion I understand.
I don’t know what to feel about an Orion who’s been tortured—whose very existence is torture—who is dying before my eyes.
“What happened?” The words creak out of his mouth. Opening his lips causes the corners of his mouth to bleed, just slightly, barely enough to dribble down the side of his chin.
Elder keeps his voice calm, as if he’s speaking to a skittish animal. “You were frozen. ”
Orion’s body jerks, and it takes me a moment to realize that was an attempt at a laugh. “No shite. How long?”
“Three months. ”
I watch as this information penetrates. He seems to age those three additional months in an instant.
“Where are we?”
He doesn’t mean what room is he in. He wants to know if we’re still on Godspeed or if we’re on Centauri-Earth.
“We landed,” Elder says.
“Why?” Orion asks. No anger in his voice, no accusation.
“We had to,” Elder says, but I’m starting to wonder if that’s true.
Orion’s smile is bitter, as if he doubts the need too. He lifts his head. “Why does it hurt so much?” His voice is barely a whisper. “Why can’t I see?” There is fear in him now, and dread.
Something cracks inside my heart.
“You weren’t frozen correctly. ”
“I don’t . . . ” He swallows, and even that action looks painful. “I don’t feel well. ”
“I know,” Elder says gently. “I know. ” After a moment he adds, “I’m sorry. ”
Orion’s face tilts in Elder’s direction—and mine. For a moment, his filmy eyes seem to fall on me, but no—they’re blind. “I don’t blame you for this,” he says in a voice stronger than before.
Elder dips his head. Orion might not blame him, but he blames himself.
“Maybe I deserved it. I don’t blame her either. ”
My heart stops. Me. He’s talking about me.
“That girl . . . I’m glad you found her. Glad she woke up. I had tried rebelling before, you know that. Didn’t have a girl like her. Just got more scars. ” He touches his neck. “I se
em to be accumulating a lot of scars. ” His hand drifts up toward his eyes. He covers them with his palms and his head sinks down.