“So what? Sometimes you’ve gotta do it for the stories, you know? Hashtag no regrets.”
“I have no regrets,” I tell him.
“Liar. You regret all kinds of things.”
“Like what?”
“Like Sophie.”
“I don’t regret her.” My response is immediate.
She is the last person I want to talk about.
“You regret letting her go without a fight. Don’t bother denying it. You told me that right after she left,” Caleb says.
The look on Diego’s face is full of sympathy. There’s a guy full of regrets. But he took a chance and went after what he wanted. Who he loved. In the end, he came out on top.
At the time of my breakup with Sophie, I thought I regretted letting her go. Not like she gave me a choice. She came to me, ready to end things, her decision already made. She didn’t give me a chance to fight for her. Her mind was made up.
“It’s hard to keep hold of someone who doesn’t want you.” I think of my father. And my mom too. I could go full-blown woe is me right now, and sink into a deep depression over the fact that no one wants me. No one cares enough to stick around.
But I don’t. Instead, I think of Hayden. And how glad I am I left the country club with her and went to that church. The view was stunning. The girl showing me the view even more so.
I contemplate telling Caleb about her, but in the end, I remain quiet, and I talk shit with them for the rest of the night as we play Call of Duty. Eventually, Diego leaves to go back home to his girls. Caleb gets a booty call. I’m left alone.
There was no point in telling them about Hayden anyway. Caleb would want the dirty details and if he found out she went to Fresno State, he’d immediately go in search of her. Not to snag her from me, but only because he’s curious. That’s how he is. Like an overeager puppy, he doesn’t know when to stop.
No, it’s best I keep her to myself. For now, Hayden is my secret.
Eight
Hayden
I’m in the library on campus because it’s the only place I can study without anyone disturbing me. After freshman year, Gracie and I moved in together, along with two other girls, into a two-bedroom apartment off campus. We stayed in the same apartment but with two different girls the beginning of this fall semester, and while I could probably convince my father to pay my rent for an apartment all by myself, then I would miss the full college experience, as I call it.
Besides, I enjoy living with Gracie. She’s fun. Sometimes, though, she’s too much fun, like today. I need peace and quiet, and she wants to talk to me about the latest guy she’s been going out with. She’s the type who’ll describe his dick size and tell me all the dirty things he says to her—or the
lack of dirty things he’s not saying to her. I’m sure she’ll fall madly in love with this one.
Gracie is in love with the idea of being in love, which is the complete opposite of my feelings. I think romantic love is a crock of shit we’ve been groomed to believe in since coming out of the womb. Gracie respects my feelings. I respect hers. Meaning, we are the perfect balance as roommates and friends.
And while I’m always down to offer up my best friend advice about her latest guy, I really need to concentrate on this paper I have to write for my American Classics in Literature class. It’s due in two days, and I think I have about two sentences written so far. That’s it.
FML.
I’m tucked away into a corner of the library not many people use, sitting at a small table and tapping away on my laptop when I swear I feel someone watching me. I lift my head and look around, but see no one.
Probably just my overly vivid imagination.
One thing I can’t stop thinking about is Tony Sorrento and what happened between us Saturday night. I’m still not exactly sure what gave me the courage to act so boldly, and I sort of regret it. Coming on to him like that, offering him a blow job when I really don’t know him at all? What the hell was I thinking?
But my instincts were correct. He refused my offer. He’s a good guy, despite what my father thinks. And now, Tony Sorrento probably thinks I’m crazy. Worse? A tease. Why would he want to hang out with me and be my friend when I told him sex would never be part of the deal?
Not that he’s only looking for sex, but come on. An attractive guy like him probably doesn’t need any more friends who are female. I’m sure women throw themselves at his feet. I practically did, in jest.
Sort of.
If he’d been more persuasive, more of a player, I would’ve melted at his words. Given in at his first kiss. I like a confident man with major moves. I also adore a confident man who respects women. Tony is firmly in the second category.