The Freshman (College Years 1)

“Yeah, it is fucked up. But come on. It’s life, man. As a wise woman I know once said, relationships are for pussies,” I say.

Caleb grins. “Who said that?”

“Hayden.”

“No shit?” He rubs his jaw, looking thoughtful. “She’s smart. I agree with her. I know I called her a ball buster, and I kind of still think she is one, but she’s cool. So is Gracie. When she’s not chasing after a loser.”

“Right, but we’re just keeping it casual, Hayden and me.” I am completely lying to myself. When I dragged Hayden out of the crowd earlier and kissed her against the wall, I was feeling anything but casual. I want her. I want her naked in my bed tonight. Will she stay the night with me? Or will she somehow convince Gracie not to leave with that asshole and they’ll both end up going back to their place, leaving me high and dry.

A shitty way for me to think, but I can’t help it. Our interactions have been leading up to this moment, and I’m ready for it to happen. Beyond ready. This has the potential to be a monumental night for me. And I will be totally disappointed if she bails.

I’ll get over it and move on, but still disappointed.

“Please. Like I just said, you were all over her tonight,” Caleb says.

“You were all over Gracie,” I point out.

“That was just for fun. It’s not like I had my tongue down her throat.” He shrugs one shoulder. “She’s cool. I’d be down to fuck her. But she’d get hung up on me and my big dick, fall madly in love with me, and chase me all over campus. I don’t want to have to file a restraining order against her.”

I laugh, ready to give him grief, but someone else beats me to it.

“You’re such a dick.”

Oh shit.

We both turn to find Gracie is in the kitchen, and Hayden is standing right next to her. They’re both glaring. At Caleb.

“I was just kidding,” Caleb says with a light laugh.

Gracie’s eyes are glassy, like she might’ve been crying. She points at Caleb. “I was ready to forgive you for how awful you were to me tonight, but forget it. Fuck you, Caleb.” She offers a gentle smile in my direction. “It was nice hanging out with you tonight, Tony, but I’ve got to go. Robin is waiting for me in the parking lot.”

“You sure you’re okay, Gracie?” I follow after them toward the front door, leaving Caleb in the kitchen. “You really want to leave with that guy?”

She nods and sniffs, a watery smile on her face. “I’ll be fine. Thank you. I know how to handle him.”

Hayden gives her a hug before Gracie opens the door, and we both stand in the doorway, watching Gracie walk toward an older, beat-up black Toyota Tacoma. I’m surprised ol’ Robin drives a truck, but then I notice there’s a bunch of sound equipment in the back of it, so that makes sense.

She opens the passenger side door, climbs into the truck, and waves before she pulls the creaky door shut. Robin revs the engine before he pulls away from the curb, his tires screeching as the truck’s back end swings. As if he’s losing traction.

Guy can’t sing or drive. Great.

“Is she really going to be all right with him?” I ask Hayden as we watch them leave. I swear I can still hear his squealing tires.

“She will. Though I told her not to go.” Hayden shakes her head. “He doesn’t deserve her. He’s a total prick.”

“He is,” I agree as I shut and lock the front door.

“She told me she feels bad for him,” Hayden continues. “He was crying to her on the phone. He claims he was so nervous and that’s why they had a bad set, but I don’t know. I’ve heard them live before and it wasn’t much of a difference. He’s just trying to divert her from the fact that she caught him with another girl.”

These manipulative tactics feel familiar. My mom did this shit to my dad all the time when they were still married. Even when they were going through their divorce. It worked most of the time too. Dad felt guilty for a lot of the shit he did to her.

Sometimes I wonder if Mom ever feels guilty.

I’m going with not really.

Caleb appears, a sulk on his face. “I’m going to bed.” He stomps up the stairs without a backward glance or acknowledgement of our good nights we call out to him.

“What’s his problem?” Hayden asks me once he’s gone, sounding vaguely amused. “He’s the one who said she’d fall in love with him and he’d have to get a restraining order.”