The Freshman (College Years 1)

It’s kind of fucked-up. I don’t know who’s worse. My dad or his.

We bonded over that, and that’s why we started having a bad attitude about practice. We’d smoke a little weed, drink some Jack Daniels, and say fuck it to practice. Jackson had something else to occupy his time, but I didn’t.

Football—and my friends on the team—were it. Glad I realized that before I really messed everything up.

“I don’t know. I thought you’d give me shit,” Jackson says with a shrug.

“I get it. We all have a dream. Eli wants to be the next Drew Callahan.” I wave my hand in Eli’s direction. “Diego has high hopes too, but he also wants to raise his daughter and have a family with Jocelyn. That’s his focus right now. Caleb wants to fuck his way through the entire campus.”

Jackson laughs.

“And you want to be a successful musician,” I add.

Jackson’s face grows sober. “But what about you, man?”

I frown. “What about me?”

“What’s your dream?”

His words linger with me throughout dinner. I eat, I joke, I think about asking them about my relationship with Hayden, but in the end, I say nothing. I can’t get Jackson’s words out of my head.

What’s your dream?

I don’t have a damn clue. I’m only eighteen, so isn’t that okay? Do I have to know what I want to do with the rest of my life? Is it really that important that I make that decision right now?

My phone buzzes with a text, just as we’re wrapping up dinner, and I quickly check who it is, thinking it’s Hayden. But it’s not.

It’s my dad.

You’re coming here for Thanksgiving, right?

I read those words over and over, trying to push past the lead ball that suddenly sits in my stomach. I don’t want to go to his house for Thanksgiving, which is—shit—next week. I asked Mom about the holiday and she said she was going to Mexico with her newest boyfriend. She mentioned I was more than welcome to join them, but I said no. Which she knew would be my answer, so she got away with that scot-free.

Didn’t cross my mind that my father would want me sitting at his table for Thanksgiving. After I visited there for the weekend, we’ve kind of kept in contact, but after a while, we stopped texting each other. I’ve been too busy with football, school and Hayden to make the time to see him again. If he really wanted to see me, he could come here.

But, of course, he doesn’t.

My phone buzzes again, another text from my dad.

Dad: ????

Me: Hadn’t planned on it.

Dad: Helena and I both really want you here. We’re a family now. It doesn’t feel complete without you.

I roll my eyes. What a bunch of horseshit.

Dad: She also mentioned you have a girlfriend. Maybe you should bring her with you.

My entire body goes stiff. What the hell? How does Helena know?

Me: I have no idea what you’re talking about.

He would flip his fucking lid if he knew I was dating Hayden Channing.

Dad: Come on. You can admit it. Helena has mentioned her to me multiple times. I can’t wait to meet her.

Is this some sort of game she’s playing? Does my father not know who I’m with? I can’t even call Hayden my girlfriend. Not officially.