“A sign of what?”
“That you have feelings for her.” I open my mouth to protest, but he holds up his hand, stopping me. “Don’t bother denying it. I can tell.”
I clamp my lips shut, annoyed. With my father. With myself.
“And it’s okay. You’re getting a little older. You’ve gone a long time without having a serious relationship,” he says.
“I had Baylee,” I start, but he shakes his head.
“You treated that poor girl like garbage and you know it.”
Leave it to my dad to keep it real.
“Saw her last week at Big Five. She was with some guy and she looked real happy. I talked to them for a bit. He goes to Fresno State too. She said they were going up to Yosemite for the day,” he says.
Wait a minute. “Baylee came here? And she was with a guy?”
“I ran into them when I went to buy a new knife.” He nods. “Nice kid. Said his name’s Carson.”
The only Carson I know is the one who Ellie hung out with for a little while. “Get the hell out of here. I might know that dude.”
Though I’m sure there are plenty of guys out there who go to Fresno State named Carson.
“Well, that dude seemed totally into her. Something you never really were.” Again, more honesty from dear old dad. “She even gave me a hug. She’s a good girl.”
She was. “I ruined that.”
“Hard to ruin something you were never really into, am I right?” He doesn’t wait for me to reply. “Don’t worry about her. She seems very happy with her new guy.”
That should hurt, right? Knowing Baylee has completely moved on from me. But it doesn’t. I’m happy for her. I’m glad she moved on. I want her to forget about me and what I did to her. How I used her for way too long.
Knowing I did that, how much I took advantage of her and for how long, makes me feel like shit.
“I’m glad she’s happy,” I finally say, meeting my dad’s gaze.
“You deserve happiness too. And most of the time, that doesn’t involve chasing after endless tail.” I don’t even bother trying to argue this time around. “Yes, I know what you’ve been up to these last four years or so. Maybe longer. And that’s okay. It’s just like I told you: you’re young. You should live it up while you can. No need to settle down any time soon. But it’s okay to find someone you actually care about too, you know.”
“You’ve been giving me contradictory advice my entire life, you know that, right?” I can’t help but laugh, and he joins me.
“I guess I’m a contradiction then,” he says with a shrug.
I study him. The way he holds himself. The things he says and his self-deprecating ways. He reminds me of myself. Which makes me think I could end up like him. Living in the same average house and having the same average life. But does he seem so down and out over it?
“Dad, can I ask you a question?”
“Of course you can,” he says without hesitation.
“Are you satisfied with your life?”
He considers it for a moment, his expression turning somber. It’s as if I can see him running through his memory bank, assessing his past. “You know what, son? I’m damn satisfied. There is nothing better than to live in the small town you grew up in, and manage a place that serves the community. I’ve been married to your mother for a long time. We’ve raised two wonderful kids, and I think we gave you both a pretty great childhood. Now it’s just the two of us, and we’re enjoying ourselves. Your mother is a good woman, though she gave me a run for my money when I first met her.”
I frown. This is a new part to their relationship I’ve never heard before. “What are you talking about?”
“She played hard to get. Acted like she hated me at first. Maybe she did. I was pretty obnoxious when I was younger. Kind of like you.”
Ouch. Damn.
“She put on this act like she couldn’t stand me, but after a while, I broke down her walls. And now look at us.” He smiles proudly. “We’ve had our ups and downs, but we’re better than we’ve ever been.”