The Junior (College Years 3)

“I don’t think so. They still act like they’re pretty into each other.” All of our friends who are in committed relationships do. It’s as if they’re all hot for each other twenty-four-seven.

“I thought that sort of thing faded,” Caleb says, suddenly sounding serious. “It’s half the reason I didn’t want to be in a relationship.”

“Same with me,” I admit.

“Though my dad just told me yesterday that he’s satisfied with his life,” Caleb says.

“You thought he wouldn’t be?”

“I didn’t know what to think. They’ve been married a long time and their life seems so…mundane. Boring, you know?”

“I do know,” I say with a nod. This is a common complaint for Caleb. He doesn’t want to be complacent.

“That’s what I was always running from before. I didn’t want to do the same old thing they did. It sounded…awful. But now I’m starting to realize I don’t think it’s so bad. He’s genuinely happy. Mom is happy too. They have a decent life,” he says as he readjusts his grip on the steering wheel. “They seem…content.”

He sounds surprised, but why wouldn’t they be content? Everyone has different expectations. Different wants and needs. His parents have been together for a long time and from what I’ve gleaned from Caleb’s remarks on his childhood years, he lived in a solid household. No drama, no fighting, no abuse.

“Here’s the thing, Caleb. You were so busy running from your supposed mundane life, but I never heard you come up with any ideas on how to change it, you know? Like, what were you going to do to make it different? Better?” I ask, curiously.

“I don’t know,” he says with a shrug. “Honestly I figured I’d end up exactly like my parents. Me working…wherever. I’d probably end up marrying a teacher. Oh.” He shoots me a stricken look while I gaze back at him mutely, feeling as if I just swallowed my tongue. “I only said that because my mom works for the school district. I didn’t mean anything by it. What I’m really trying to say is that I feel like I’m on the same path as my dad was, and before that always scared me. But now I’m starting to realize maybe it won’t be so bad.”

“Right. Of course. I know what you meant.” I nod, looking away from him, staring unseeingly out the passenger side window. His admission just now was…jarring. But not in a bad way.

More like in a, why are we wasting so much time dancing around each other when it’s pretty freaking clear that we’re totally into each other way? What exactly are we doing? Why aren’t we just going for it? We have never been afraid when it came to getting with someone before.

Like, ever.

Long term relationships? That’s different. But would it really be so bad, being with Caleb? I already spend an enormous amount of time with him, and it’s not a chore. Not even close. I like hanging out with him, talking with him, joking with him. The biggest thing I’m realizing?

I trust him. I trust him with my life. He takes care of me because he wants to. He just flat out cares about me. And I care about him, too. A lot.

Everyone’s right—we act like a couple. Yet we’ve only kissed a few times, and that’s it.

Why are we depriving ourselves? What the hell is wrong with us?

“Caleb,” I say after a few minutes of silence.

“Gracie,” he returns in the same tone.

“I like you.”

“I like you too,” he says warmly, and without any hesitation either, I mentally note.

“I think I…like you, like you.” I press my lips together, almost wishing I could take the words back.

But too late. They’re out there, floating between us, and for the quickest, most terrifying few seconds of my life, I’m scared he’s going to say he doesn’t feel the same way.

“You do?” he asks, sounding surprised.

He’s going to make me say more, isn’t he? Well, I’m the one who changed the direction of this conversation, so I guess I need to go further out on a limb.

“I do. We hang out all the time. We work together, live together, and we just—fit, you know? I feel connected to you on a deeper level.” I roll my eyes and laugh nervously. “That sounded like some corny shit.”

“Nah,” he says, glancing over at me. “I have to agree. I uh…like you, like you too.”

His voice is deeper than normal. Lower. Extra sexy.

Oh. Shit.