“You so did. You implied it.” She starts pacing the room. Watching her walk back and forth in the small space is kind of making my head spin. “You told me if I left, we weren’t together anymore. You said that by me not coming home, it showed that I didn’t love you, which is such bullshit. I don’t operate like that Eli, and you know it.”
“Yeah, well, you were always doing other stuff and forgetting about me! The last time we actually saw each other in person was Valentine’s Day, and even then, you weren’t into it. You weren’t into me,” I say, my voice rising.
She stops pacing. “When have I never been into you? I devoted all of my time and attention to you, whenever I could, for the last four years of our lives! School and my sorority kept me busy, you know this, but I still made time for you.”
“Barely,” I say with a snort. “That shit kept you busy all the damn time! And if you weren’t busy, you were always so tired. Yawning in my ear and shit. Like I bored you.”
That hurt too. I truly believed Ava was my number one fan.
“Right, but it’s okay for football to eat up all of your time? So much of it that all I can settle for are the little scraps of a few hours here and a bye week there? And I’m supposed to be grateful for that?” She stomps her way toward me, standing close enough that I catch her familiar scent. It sends a rush of l
ust through me and I remind myself to keep my shit together.
But damn, an angry Ava has always been a huge turn-on for me. I’m surprised I didn’t pick fights with her more often. My girl angry is the hottest thing alive.
“Your double standards are complete bullshit.” She stabs her finger into my chest, right at heart level. “So are your ultimatums.”
“You not putting me first is bullshit,” I retort. “It’s like you never gave a shit about me anymore. You were too wrapped up in your own life and there was no more room for me in it.”
“You’re too demanding!” she tosses at me.
“And you never gave a shit about me enough,” I throw back at her.
We glare at each other, our accelerated breaths the only sound filling the room.
This is not how I expected the conversation to go.
“It’s always me, me, me,” she says, her voice scratchy. “That’s all you ever care about. Yourself. What do I get out of it? What are you doing for me? It hasn’t been about us for a while, Eli. It’s always you. Swear to God, you’re the most selfish person I know. I used to think your arrogance was kind of cute. Even sexy. But now, I-I hate it.”
I push away from the door, standing so close to her my feet are practically on top of hers. “You think I’m selfish?”
She nods, her fiery gaze clashing with mine. “You’re also an egotistical ass.”
Taking a deep breath, I lower my head, until my lips hover above hers. “You never complained before.”
“I was blinded to your faults. Distance helped me see what was really going on, and what our relationship turned into.” She takes a step back, as if she needs the distance, and releases a shaky breath. “This conversation is getting us nowhere.”
It’s only making everything worse, if you ask me. “This conversation isn’t through and you know it.”
“I can smell the liquor on your breath. I’m not talking about this when you’re drunk.” She places her hands on my chest and gently shoves. I go toppling back, nearly falling on my ass. “Get some sleep, Eli. Call me when you’re sober—and not hungover either. I’ll talk to you again. But I have to be honest—I don’t know if this is going to work out for us.”
I’m fucking incredulous just listening to her. “Really? You’re going to give up on us that easily?”
“It’s never been easy! I’ve stood by your side for years. With every opportunity you’ve been handed or earned, I’ve cheered you on and supported you! I get one chance, one lousy chance at doing something that’s just for me, that will only take a few months out of my life, and you had a tantrum and threw our relationship away.” She snaps her fingers. “Just like that. Done.”
I blink, absorbing her words. The anger and disappointment fueling them. “I’m an asshole. You know this.”
“You’re an asshole to everyone else, but never me. You always took care of me.” She taps her chest for emphasis. “You’ve changed.”
“No, you’ve changed,” I tell her vehemently, shaking my head. I don’t want to hear her go on about my faults and where I fucked up when it comes to her. To us.
I know I fucked up. I try to own it, though I don’t want to say it out loud. Shouting those words into the universe just makes it all true, and I’m not in the mood to face it.
Not tonight.
“I can’t do this.” She drops her arms at her sides, frustration written all over her pretty face. “This conversation is over. Text me when you’re sober.”
Ava tries to walk past me, but I grab hold of her arm, stopping her. My touch is light. She could pull out of my grip easily, but she doesn’t. Electricity sparks between our skin the moment we connect and I wonder if she can feel it.