The Senior (College Years 4)

“You can be real with me, you know,” Mom says, her voice low, her gaze unwavering as she watches me. “I’m sure you actually do miss Eli, even though he hurt you so badly.”

“He’s a stubborn jackass,” I say, not holding anything back. “I saw him Saturday night. After the game.”

Mom’s brows lift slightly, but otherwise there’s no visible reaction to my confession. “And how did it go?”

“Terrible,” I say, not about to admit that I kissed him and we basically felt each other up. I’m pretty open with my mother, but not that open.

“Did you talk to him?”

I shake my head.

“Not at all?” She sounds skeptical.

“Not enough to make a difference. He’s still stubborn as ever.” God, I sound bitter.

“So it’s over between you two?” Mom actually seems sad.

“How can I work it out with him when he won’t even listen to me? He’s impossible.” He’s also ridiculous and hard-headed and…distracting.

Very, very distracting.

“You’re still mad at him too, aren’t you?”

I nod, not bothering to deny it. “We’re uhhh…definitely not seeing eye to eye right now, Mom. And I’m not sure if we ever will.”

“You know, your dad and I split up right after we started—seeing each other,” Mom admits as she gazes off into the distance.

Why the hesitation over saying ‘seeing each other’? The early days of their relationship have always been a bit of a mystery to me, and they rarely talk about it.

“Why?”

“His life was messy. Isn’t that what you kids like to say?” She laughs when I make a face. “I sound like an old woman. Anyway, your father was a bit of a mess and I was too, and he tried to cut things off to protect me I suppose, but really? I think he did it to protect himself. He didn’t know what to do with me.”

“Why do you say that?” And why is she telling me this?

“His feelings for me scared him, which was fine because my feelings for him scared me too. Everything happened so fast between us, it was overwhelming.” She’s totally lost in her memories, I can see it in her eyes, on her face. “I think sometimes you and Eli overwhelm each other.”

“He’s overwhelming,” I agree.

“But so are you. You’re always so passionate when it comes to what you believe in. You don’t back down, Ava. Neither does Eli.” When my gaze meets hers, she smiles gently. “Maybe you should learn how to back down a bit.”

“No way do I want to give first,” I say firmly.

Mom laughs. “And you claim he’s the stubborn one. I think it goes both ways.”

It probably does, but I don’t want to admit that.

“I think you two should really talk to each other, without any other distractions.” She sends me a pointed look. “Like your friends.”

“Pretty sure he doesn’t want to do that.” And I’m too scared to do it. What if he touches me again, kisses me, and we end up getting carried away? Next thing I know, we’ll have sex and nothing will get resolved.

“Do you regret going to Spain?” Mom asks, changing the subject.

I shake my head. “It was the best thing I could’ve ever done for myself at that time, and I have zero regrets.”

“Even though you lost your boyfriend in the process?”

“Honestly? I thought maybe we would—be back together by