The Senior (College Years 4)

“Says the woman who pissed him off yet kissed him Saturday night.”

I ball up my discarded straw wrapper and throw it at her. It nails her in the cheek, which has me laughing. “He’s sexy when he’s pissed.”

Our laughter dies and the knowing look on her face is almost annoying.

“You think he’s sexy.”

“Of course I do. I’m still in love with him.” I say it like I have a disease. As if I was diagnosed with something terminal and it’s killing me slowly. It feels that way sometimes, my love for Eli. Like I’ll never get over him no matter how hard I try.

“Then why aren’t you doing something about it?” she asks me. When I glance up, I see the sincerity in her gaze. The way she’s watching me, as if she’s genuinely curious and concerned.

Gracie is a good friend. I need to confide in her.

“You promise you won’t say anything about this conversation to Caleb?” I ask.

She nods. “Of course not. He can’t keep a secret to save his life. He’d run straight to Eli and report this conversation to him if I told him about it. Not to screw you over, but to help his bro out.”

“You do realize when we were in high school, they hated each other,” I say, unable to keep that little fact to myself. “One night, Caleb was flirting with me after a football game and Eli about ripped his face off.”

“And they call us the dramatic ones.” Gracie rolls her eyes.

“Yeah.” A sigh leaves me and I decide to be completely real with my friend. “I don’t know if I want him back.”

“You mean Eli?” she asks. I nod my answer. “Why do you say that?”

“Even after everything that happened between us, I was still willing to go to Spain because, deep down, I thought he’d come around. He’d realize he was being ridiculous, and when I came home, we would be able to talk it out and fix everything, you know?” I was living in a dream land.

“But he hasn’t done that,” Gracie says.

“He hasn’t done that,” I repeat with another sigh. “I know he’s still in love with me, too. Though I can’t confirm if he’s been with other girls or not.”

My stomach twists just saying the words. I cannot imagine him being with someone else. He had a complete player reputation before we got together. I knew what I was dealing with. But he’s been one hundred percent devoted the entire time we’ve been in a relationship. He was totally into me. Other girls didn’t even turn his head.

But we broke up months ago. He can do whatever he wants, with whoever he wants. So can I.

No one else tempts me though. I glance around the room, spotting a cute guy sitting a couple of tables over with a group. He catches my eye, offering me a smile and I look away, not even bothering to smile in return.

Yeah. No one else matters to me. Not right now.

Just Eli.

“I don’t think he’s been with other girls,” Gracie says softly. “But I don’t really know either. Not like they would tell me anyway.”

Her words don’t ease my worry, but I try and shove it into the corner of my mind so I won’t focus on it. I can’t control what he does, just like he can’t control me either.

What if he’s been with other women though? Would I be able to forgive him? I suppose there’s nothing to forgive, since we aren’t together, but if he were able to find someone else so quickly…

I don’t know if I could deal with it.

Nine

Eli

I notice her before I see anyone else. The moment we walk into the restaurant, I spot Ava sitting at a table on the other side of the room, talking intently with Gracie.

I knew it was risky coming to this restaurant. My mom has been harassing me for weeks to meet up with her for dinner, and I finally gave in. She complained that she doesn’t like to drive down to Fresno at night, so I agreed to meet her up here, in the same town where I spent my teen years. Where Ava was. Is.

Fuck, she’s even in the same restaurant. What are the odds?