I want to take her up on it. I desperately need her support, and of course, I want to be there for her and support her as much as I can too.
But I can’t right now. Later.
After the football season.
Yeah, we’ll be good after that. Everything will come together like it’s supposed to.
“Here’s the weird thing,” I start, hating how nervous I sound. She can sense it too. I can tell by the odd way she’s currently looking at me. “Feels like when we uh, have sex, I play terrible. The time we hooked up in my car? I played like shit during practice and everyone noticed. My teammates, the coaches. They put the second string in and he did great.”
“I heard about that,” she admits.
“You did?” I’m shocked.
She nods. “Gracie mentioned it. Caleb must’ve told her.”
I’m quiet for a moment. Maybe she’ll be more understanding since she already knows I’m having an issue.
“It happened again today. We have sex and my concentration is for shit. I can’t throw a ball to save my damn life and I lost the game.”
Now we’re both quiet, but I can feel her gaze on me. Assessing. Questioning.
“What are you trying to say?”
I clear my throat, searching for the right words, so this doesn’t sound completely shitty. “I’m wondering if we should—take a break for a little bit. See each other again during playoffs. Or even after playoffs. Like after the bowl game. If we get a bid for one.”
“What?”
She screeches the word, making me wince.
“It’s only for a couple more months, if that—”
“You’re talking until mid-December,” she says.
“Not that far off. It’s practically November. Come on, Princess.” My tone turns pleading. “We can make the sacrifice, right? This is our future we’re
talking about here.”
Ava bursts out laughing. “Oh, this is good. My God, can you even see what you’re doing to me right now?”
I know she’s so mad, I’m fucking grateful we’re getting closer to her house, that’s for damn sure.
“It’ll be tough. I’ll miss you like crazy, but it’s for the best for my future, babe. For our future. It’s like your pussy is made of magic or something and it zaps all my skills right out of me.”
“If I could hit you right now, I so would, Eli. You’re being ridiculous.” She’s shaking her head, her face crumpling.
Oh shit, like she’s going to cry.
“Baby.” I touch her thigh and she jerks away from my hand. “Come on. I was hoping you would understand. I’m doing this for us.”
“Like you understood when I told you about my chance to go to Spain for the summer? Like that? It’s only for a few months. A small sacrifice for my future. For our future. Those are words I said to you at some point and now you’re repeating the same shit to me about your football season, which is somehow getting fucked by us…fucking? What the hell?”
“Don’t say it like that,” I start, but she interrupts me.
“You can’t tell me what to say or how to think. If you could just see the irony of this situation right now, my God.” She shakes her head, her eyes watering. “I asked you to wait for me, and you wouldn’t.”
She says nothing for the rest of the drive to her house. And it’s at least another twenty minutes before we even get there. I want to speak, but every time I’m ready to say something, I snap my lips shut, second-guessing myself.
I’m sure my remaining quiet is for the best. I’ll just say something else that pisses her off and that’s the last thing I want to do, though I’ve already done it.