Finally, he met her eyes, but there was no warmth in his gaze.
“He was worried sick about her, and you don’t know what you’re talking about. There are some things you don’t understand.”
His words were like a punch to the gut. Whether they were true or not didn’t matter. Because she wanted more than anything to understand, despite the voice inside her head telling her it was better this way. To be on the outside looking in.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t... I wasn’t insulting him, I swear.” She bit her lip, wondering where to go from here. The last thing she wanted was to leave right now. Not with Kaden angry or annoyed or frustrated or whatever it was he clearly felt toward her, but she had no clue how to fix it.
Feeling every ounce the outsider, standing on his porch, she shifted her weight and kicked a stone at her feet. She wished she could take back Friday night. She wished she could go back to the day she shared her secret and stop herself, so they could rewind to him teasing her and joking—before she started caring about him and got him in trouble.
“Okay. Well, I guess I’ll be going, then.” She hesitated, knowing it was time to leave but hated the thought of walking away. Instead, she gazed up at him, her eyes pleading, begging for him to stop her, to ask her to stay. For a chance to make things right between them because she had no idea how they had gotten so off track.
He stepped down onto the stoop in front of her and closed the door behind him, sending a wave of relief crashing through her.
He was finally going to talk to her, she thought, but the feeling didn’t last long.
Shoving his hands in his pocket, he stared at the ground as he said, “Listen, I’m sorry. I know you probably came here because we’re supposed to make some phone calls and figure out what’s in Newberry. I know we planned on doing something with everything we’ve learned the last few days, but...not today. I’ve got Sophie to take care of, and then—”
“Is that why you think I came here? That I expected you to help me today and leave her?” Abby frowned.
He shrugged. “Isn’t it?”
“I came here because I was worried about Sophie—about you. I had no idea what was wrong and imagined the worst. Since I hadn’t heard from you, I didn’t know if she was okay or how much trouble you were in with your dad. And I’m the one that brought all this on, so...” She swallowed over the lump in her throat, her mouth and tongue like sandpaper. “But I see you’re fine, and I shouldn’t have come. My mistake.”
She spun on her heel, wondering why her chest felt so tight.
When she stepped off the porch, her feet hit the cracked sidewalk with an ominous thud. A firm hand followed, clamping down on her shoulder and stopping her from going any further.
“Wait.” Strong fingers pressed into her skin as he turned her to face him. She met his eyes, turbulent as a tropical storm and dark like muddied waters.
“I’m sorry. Gosh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean...” He fell silent for a moment, searching her eyes before he asked, “Did you really come to see how Sophie was?”
“And you, too.”
She wanted to reach out to him. The sudden urge to trace his jaw, his cheek, his forehead, and lips battered against her restraint to keep still. Instead, she clasped her hands behind her back, wanting to avoid anything to make him pull away again.
“I know we’re working on this whole secret thing together, and I’m not gonna deny that I don’t need your help, that I want your help, but it’s more than that. I care about you, Kaden. I care more about you than unraveling some stupid secret. My grandmother’s not here.” Bile rose in the back of her throat as the words left her mouth. With all that had gone on since her death, there were times she forgot the gravity of her loss. “But you’re here, and you mean more to me than solving some mystery. Even if you said you were done, I’d be okay with that.”
His eyes sparkled as he reached out to her, pulling her hands from around her back, where he clasped them in his own. “On our way to the hospital, I kept telling myself it was one of Dad’s epic freak-outs, that she was fine. I told myself he was worked up because he found out I snuck out on top of her being sick. But then we got there and...” He paused, his voice thick.
“And?” Abigail squeezed his hands.
He stared into the distance as if remembering.
“And I saw her hooked up to the IV—all the tubes and wires coming from her arm and hand—it brought back all these memories. Every single time my mom went to the hospital. Holidays spent in the emergency room and birthdays at her bedside. I remembered the exact number of times I sat in the same room across from her, knowing things wouldn’t get better but only worse with time, and there was nothing I could do about it.” His forehead creased, and the grip on her hands tightened. “But instead of my mom, it was my sister. She looked so tiny there, in that bed, in her hospital gown, and it completely freaked me out. I know it ended up not being a huge deal, but all I could think about was how I wasn’t there for her. How I lied and snuck out, and as a result, I wasn’t there when they needed me. What if something had happened? Something worse? What if she had an accident? I would’ve never forgiven myself.”
“Hey,” Abby said, dipping her head, meeting his eyes. “You can’t think like that. In a year, you’ll be off at college and then what? This wasn’t your fault. And, okay, maybe sneaking out was wrong. Maybe you shouldn’t have, but you’re eighteen. There are far worse things. You’re going to do some dumb stuff and make mistakes. It comes with the territory. And you can’t live your whole life wondering what if. You can’t be afraid of every bad thing that could be waiting around the corner. You’ll go crazy if you do.”
Like your dad.
“I know that’s how my dad is, and I see the toll it takes on him. But last night, I understood. I felt how he feels, and it sucked. Maybe he’s wrong in how he’s handled his grief, and maybe he’s way overprotective, but at that moment, I understood it. I’m sorry if you felt like it was your fault, or you were to blame. It was my fault I wasn’t there. That was my choice. I did that. I was mad at myself, not you.”
Though he helped ease her anxiety, she was still unsure where this put them.
“So, does your dad hate me even more now?”
Kaden smirked. “Well, let’s just say he’s not your biggest fan.”
Abby winced. “Could you imagine what he would think if he knew we were really out questioning Lawson’s sister?”