He shifted closer to me and snuck an arm around my middle. “What time is it?” he whispered.
“Almost nine.” I rubbed the back of his head and eased my fingers down toward his neck. “How are you feeling?”
He slipped a hand underneath my polo and felt up my abs. I wasn’t gonna complain. “Like I could sleep for a week.” He shivered as I ran my fingers over his neck and shoulders. “I feel heavy and wrung out. I’m sorry—I don’t think I will be good company today.”
“You don’t have to be,” I murmured. “I’m not just looking for a good time, baby. I’m here for the darkest hours too, remember?”
He let out a long breath and squeezed me to him, almost curling himself around me. “Call me that again.”
“What—baby?” I smiled and dipped down, burying my nose in his hair. “Daddy can be baby too, especially when he needs someone to take over for a while.”
For a long moment, he just breathed. Slow, deep breaths while I tried to get rid of the tension in his shoulders.
I hoped he was understanding me. Age-play, role-play—whatever—it was a hot spice, an incredible element. But when push came to shove, I wanted what most people wanted. An equal, someone to share my day with, share every burden with, someone I sometimes got to look after and take care of, someone who turned the tables when necessary and did the same for me.
“I don’t deserve you, Kellan,” he said quietly. “But I would love to be both.”
“You already are.” I pulled down the duvet a bit so I could see his face pressed against the side of my thigh. “And you know what? We don’t have to talk about it anytime soon. What’s going on between us is private—between you and me. I know what you’re going through, and it’s only been a year. As long as you let me stand by your side through every high and every low, I have all the time in the world for whatever might come next.” I brushed my thumb over his cheek. “I don’t want you to hide your sorrow from me. Like you did last night at the restaurant. The second you run out of energy or something triggers you, please let me know.”
It would give me a chance to quickly get him out of an uncomfortable situation or…plainly get him away from people. Nobody wanted to break down in public. It only added to the distress.
“Is that really how you see it? That it’s only been a year?”
I knitted my brows together. “Well—of course. You’re not trying to get over losing the family pet. What you’ve been through has changed you forever.”
His emotions spilled over, and even as he tensed up as if to brace himself for a meltdown, something was released too. I felt it all around us. Had he been worried that I was gonna grow impatient? That I was gonna set an expiration date on his time of mourning?
“Can I be selfish and ask that we extend our stay and don’t leave the bed all day?”
I smiled sympathetically and hoped to God he’d be okay with my compromise. “We have to get on the road.” I wove my fingers into his hair again. “But I have a surprise I think you’ll like. Do you remember Julien and Alex Bisset?”
“Vaguely.” He frowned deeply with his eyes closed. “You and Finn have worked with them—Geneva, right?”
Among other auto shows.
“They dabble in other fields too.” I stroked his back. “If you give me five minutes of your time, I’ll show you outside. You just have to abide by the dress code.”
It was both endearing and devastating to see his expression. He felt so knocked down that merely leaving the bed to go to the bathroom was difficult, and I felt guilty for making him.
“The dress code is sweats and a T-shirt—I have a hoodie for you too.” I wanted to get that out before he had to worry about suits and whatnot. “The surprise is right outside the door.”
“Okay,” he whispered. “Okay.”
It took some coaxing to get him dressed, but a few minutes later, we stood behind the SUV with the doors open, and he was crushing me in a tight hug.
“You are absolutely crazy, boy,” he croaked.
I rubbed his back soothingly and dropped a kiss to his throat. “I want us to be prepared. Soon as your mood tanks, even when we’re on the road, you can shut down and close yourself in. No expectations, no rush.”
He sniffled and pressed his lips to the side of my head. “Without you, those darkest hours would’ve suffocated me a long time ago.” He squeezed me to him a little harder, and I exhaled in relief. “I can’t make you the promises you deserve, sweetheart, but know that my feelings are in the right place. I won’t hide—I don’t have the strength—and I will never push you away.” He inched back just enough to cup my face in his hands and peer down at me.