The Bachelor on the Shelf (Reindeer Falls)

A tall, muscular, deserves-to-be-climbed giant who is eyeing me from head to toe in a way that makes me want to—

“Let me just give Rudy a treat,” I blurt out, needing to interrupt the direction of my slutty librarian fantasies. “And then we can head out.”

“Oh, Rudy’s coming,” Carter replies, and then he grabs something from the paper bag I didn’t notice he was carrying before. It’s a red and green leash with a matching bowtie. “Remember? I told you we were being photographed.”

I stare at him. “I don’t understand.”

“Don’t worry. I got you something, too,” he says, and then he plucks out the biggest diamond ring I’ve ever seen in my life.

“What the—”

“Don’t get excited, sugar plum,” he says. “It’s a fake. But they won’t be able to tell that from the pictures.”

I hold the ring in my hand, staring at it. It doesn’t seem possible to me that it isn’t real. Even in the dim light of my kitchen, it glitters. As I slide it on my left ring finger, it feels weighty and very real and my stomach is anxious like it’s had an encounter with bad fruitcake.

“Okay, so what is happening?” I ask. “Are we doing a photoshoot or something?”

Carter grins. “Nah. That’ll look staged. We’re getting pics with the big man himself.”

I blink. “Harvey at TMZ?”

He laughs. “No, sprite. Even bigger.”

Bigger than Harvey at TMZ? Impossible.

With a wink at Rudy and then a smile at me, Carter drops his voice to a loud whisper and says, “Santa Claus.”

Carter drives us, in some kind of fancy Range Rover that drives like there isn’t so much as a single snowflake on the road. We arrive at the Christmas Market over at the River Place Shops, where there’s a truly spectacular North Pole set up. A maze takes guests through snowy banks of glitter, multiple Christmas trees with shimmering ornaments and icicles at every turn. There are stacks of presents, caroling elves, and, if you peek through some tiny windows in man-made snowbanks, you can get a peek into “Santa’s workshop”—a.k.a. a pop-up store loaded with every product the Flying Reindeer Toy Company makes. It’s true Christmas miracle magic the way only Reindeer Falls can do it, and as Carter, Rudy, and I get closer to Santa, I find there are butterflies in my stomach. Or tiny reindeer, as it were.

To the shock of absolutely no one, there are multiple Santa Clauses working in Reindeer Falls. There’s a rumor one of the Winter sisters found her husband via a Santa Claus switcheroo, so I briefly hope that I’ll be able to find another hottie hiding beneath a Santa beard so that I have someone to distract me from a certain baseball player. But, as we approach the Santa sitting in his throne, I can tell this won’t be a love match.

“Lexi!” Santa says heartily, his plump cheeks dusted with powder and a tiny bit of glitter. “And Carter and adorable Rudy, of course.”

Rudy gives Santa a friendly tail wag and a lolling tongue.

“Uh, what the hell is happening?” Carter says under his breath to me. “How does he know who we are?”

“Well, he’s Santa,” I reply, in my most ‘duh’ tone of voice, and I can tell that, for a moment, Carter thinks I’m serious.

He stares at me for a long moment, not blinking. Finally I cave and laugh. “You idiot. That Santa is your neighbor. He was friends with your uncle Joe.”

“Ah, well, I suppose that makes more sense than magic, if you insist on being practical, sprite.”

This guy.

“Come along now,” Santa calls. “Lots of boys and girls waiting to get their Christmas wishes heard.”

“Of course.” I hurry over with Rudy, so that we’re standing on Santa’s left. Carter takes the right.

“Now, what do you two want for Christmas?” Santa asks as an elf with a camera snaps our picture.

Carter reaches out to take my hand, the giant diamond glittering in the lights. “Just this woman,” Carter says, and with the way his eyes shine in my direction, I see how someone could get swept up in that gaze. It’s dangerous. Like, I’m in on the ruse and even I’m buying it.

“Ooohhh, a wedding?” Santa says, a bit of his Tom voice sneaking in. “Well, this is news!”

“Smiles, please!” the elf calls, and we all turn to smile at the camera. Even Rudy.

After some more niceties with Santa, we head out through the rest of the maze. I’m delighted when it lets us out in the Flying Reindeer Toy Company pop-up shop. There’s a toy train on display, zipping around the tracks. Stacks of games and their signature stuffed reindeers and teddy bears.

“Need to do any shopping?” I ask, while a toddler races past with a teddy bear, a beleaguered father in hot pursuit.

“Far too early,” Carter says. “Let’s get our picture.”