A Very Cerberus Christmas (Cerberus MC)

The kiss of death.

Fine means nothing is fine. I know women enough to know that much.

She turns to face me, pressing a soft, emotionless kiss to my lips. “We’re going to have an early night. I’ll see you soon.”

Dismissed.

I brush my finger over her cheek, wondering if this is the end of what we got started, and by the time I make it through the little house to tell Harley goodnight, I feel like I weigh a thousand pounds.

The drive back to the clubhouse is brutal, every cell in my body urging me to turn back around and demand that she tell me what’s going on. I hate not knowing the problem. I hate leaving her when she’s hurting.

I don’t even enter the clubhouse when I pull onto the property. I head straight for the garage, knowing that’s where I’m going to find Skid and Ace. I know going to them for relationship advice is like going to a buffet for a salad. I’m going to end up with a lot of junk, but I’m not going to bother any of the other guys. Kincaid and Shadow have babies to worry about. Dominic has Jasmine and another baby on the way. Itchy is recovering from being shot, and I don’t want to catch Snatch giving him mouth-to-dick resuscitation. Kid and Khloe never leave their room when they’re home. You’d think they were teenagers who have to sneak around to get naked.

Ace and Skid will have to do.

“You look miserable,” Skid says the second I walk inside the garage.

Maybe this was a terrible idea.

I flip the switch for the overhead heater. “Why do you have it so fucking cold in here?”

“Makes the blue balls more bearable,” Ace answers. “Are your balls blue, too? Is that why you have such a sour look on your face?”

“She’s being distant,” I mutter.

“Move on,” Skid says after handing me a beer. “There are always more women.”

“Especially ones you don’t have to sneak around and fuck,” Ace adds.

“I don’t have to sneak around and fuck her.”

“You have to make a schedule. Can only go to her house between certain hours when her kid is at school.”

I glare at my best friend. “Dating a woman with children is different from dating a woman that doesn’t have kids.”

“I fuck women with kids all the time,” Skid counters.

“Women who parent their kids and women who leave their children to party and be raised by others aren’t the same,” I remind him.

“Are you sure you aren’t clinging to this one because of what happened a few months ago?”

I continue to glare at Ace. “Why are you bringing Roxy up?”

“Isn’t it obvious?”

“No. Why don’t you explain it?” I take a long pull from my beer.

“Roxy gets pregnant, has an abortion, but she doesn’t tell you about it until after the procedure is done.”

“I still think that’s fucked up,” Skid mutters.

I look away from Ace, a spot on the wall becoming very interesting all of a sudden. “That decision was Roxy’s alone to make.”

“For your kid,” Ace argues.

“Her body,” I spit.

“I think you’re projecting. I think you’re going after Lucy hard because she has that ready-made family you want. She has what Roxy took from you.”

“I didn’t want a kid,” I mutter.

“Until you lost a kid,” Ace says.

Fuck. Roxy telling me she was pregnant lit me up. I was terrified, then excited, so excited, that I didn’t comprehend her use of the word in the past tense. I ask her why she didn’t tell me, and she said I was a playboy. She cried, regret spilling from her face in salty rivulets down her cheeks. She confessed that had she known I would’ve been happy, she never would’ve made that choice. I never felt like a bigger piece of shit. That’s when I took a step back and took a long hard look at how I was living my life. I never had a problem with how I was “dating” until that moment. What kind of man was I if women saw me as the type that got a woman pregnant, and their first instinct was to abort because they never thought I’d be the type of man to step up and take accountability for a baby we made together? It was a solid kick to the nuts.

“I really like both of them. I’m not projecting. I want to see how this plays out, but she may not even give me the chance.”

“Invite her to the Christmas party,” Skid says.

“Not like we’re going to have extra women there anyway,” Ace says, bitterness lacing his tone.

“That’s gonna suck,” Skid adds. “Honestly, I joined this club because of all the easy pussy.”

“There’s easy pussy at Jake’s,” I remind him.

“The easy pussy was in the clubhouse, man. I don’t like having to work for my meals. I’m a veteran for fuck’s sake.”