We’ve had this discussion before, and at the time he agreed, but when those conversations took place, he had a plan. That plan didn’t include an unscheduled release like he faced today. My eyes dart to the couch, and I already feel myself caving a little. I hate myself for the lack of resolve.
It’s freezing outside, and he is the father of my child, but we’re toxic together. There’s not even an ounce of sexual tension or chemistry between the two of us, and after what I’ve experienced with Micah, I can’t believe I ever even thought there was something akin to that with Robbie. I don’t want him in my house. I don’t know where I’m headed with Micah, or if I can salvage what’s going on between us after the way I shoved him out of the house earlier, but I’m not going to burn what we have down by letting Robbie stay in my house.
“The counselor I was working with, you remember the one I told you about?”
“I do.”
“He set me up with a guy here in town. He has a place for me to stay and a job waiting for me.”
“That’s good,” I say as relief washes over me. I didn’t want to have to argue with the man.
“It’ll only last about a month, and then I’ll have to find something else, but I’ll manage. I always do.”
Those words should make me feel relief, but they don’t. Always managing for Robbie meant bad news in the past. It meant stealing, dealing or some form of criminal activity.
“I was just excited to see him for the first time outside of those walls, you know?”
“I know. Maybe tomorrow after school? He gets out at—”
“Daddy?”
We both look to the mouth of the hallway. Harley is standing there, rubbing his eyes, a look of surprise on his face.
“Hey, buddy,” Robbie says. “Did we wake you?”
“Why are you here?”
Robbie chuckles, but it seems pained. I don’t doubt he’s a little hurt that Harley didn’t just race across the room and run into his arms, but his being here is completely out of the norm for the child and anything outside of his routine is suspicious to him. It’s why he wouldn’t get on the motorcycle with Micah without speaking to me first. The kid is naturally suspicious.
“They released me early. Aren’t you happy to see me?” Robbie squats down, putting himself more on Harley’s level instead of walking closer, and I appreciate him giving Harley the opportunity to come to him rather than forcing his proximity on our son.
“You’re done in that place?”
“Finished.”
Harley’s eyes look up to mine, and tears start to form. “Can I stay up just a little while?”
I nod. “Just a few minutes.”
Harley runs into Robbie’s arms, his eyes squeezed tight as he hugs his father.
I know Robbie probably wants a little time alone with Harley, but I’ve been present for every single minute they’ve spent together. I’m not willing to step away from that level of supervision just yet, but I don’t sit right on top of them as they chat. I busy myself in the kitchen, putting away the dishes I washed after dinner.
Harley talks a mile a minute, showing his dad the movies we’ve purchased recently from garage sales and the card games he’s collected over the years. Robbie is the one to pull the plug on the visit after a half an hour, and I don’t know if it’s because he’s trying to keep to the short time schedule I set or if it’s because he’s already growing weary of being here. He stands, gives Harley one more hug before sending him back down the hall to his room with a promise of seeing him again soon.
He turns toward me, a serious look in his eye once Harley is out of the room.
“I still want to meet this Micah guy.”
I nod, in no mood to argue this late at night or list Micah’s positive attributes. I did that yesterday during the prison visit. If there was something wrong with the man I’m dating, Robbie might have a leg to stand on or a position to tell me not to have him around Harley, but that’s not the case. Micah is nothing like how Robbie used to be. He’s a good man. I don’t feel the need to justify him.
“School releases at three fifteen. I leave for work at ten fifteen, but Harley goes to bed at eight thirty. I wake him to go to Mrs. Greene’s right before I leave for work.”
“I can stay with him while you’re at work.”
“He goes to Mrs. Greene’s. That’s his routine. That’s how it’s going to stay.”
He nods in agreement. “Okay.”
“Do you have a phone? I think we need to communicate when you’re coming over.”
“Don’t want me just randomly coming over?” He gives me a weak smile, and I know he’s just teasing me.