I don’t know if I’m relieved or saddened when I don’t see any guys in familiar leather cuts with a three-headed dog on the back. The waitress seats us quickly in a corner booth, and Harley is a little more animated than he normally is. This is the very first time we’ve gone out to eat as a family. We haven’t been back here since those two guys were jerks to me, and Micah stepped in.
I’m looking at the menu, wondering if I should be petty and order something expensive when the sound of male laughter makes my head draw up. The missing leather vests are drawing closer to me. The two guys that were with Micah that day are exiting the bathroom, both smiling and laughing at something one of them must’ve said before they walked out. They have to walk right past our table, and I realize they know exactly who I am when the laughter stops the second they notice me.
I don’t dart my eyes away even though I want to. I left Micah in his bed less than two hours ago, and I already long to go back to him. I want to scoop Harley up and leave Robbie at this table. I want to tell him to figure his shit out, but I can’t do that. Doing so would be selfish.
They both nod at me and keep walking.
“Those are Micah’s friends,” Harley supplies helpfully. “Momma, go ask them where he’s at. Maybe he can join us for breakfast.”
My eyes meet Robbie’s for a quick second before I drop them to the menu again.
“Pancakes or waffles?” Robbie asks as if it will be enough to distract him.
It won’t be.
“Momma? I need to tell him thank you for the gifts. I’m wearing my new boots.”
“I’ll text him after breakfast,” I assure my son.
“Scrambled or fried?” Robbie continues, and I want to strangle him.
“Scrambled,” Harley answers. “I don’t like my food trying to run away from me.”
I jump at the roar of the motorcycle engines despite them being outside, and I can’t concentrate on the menu in my hands until they drive off and I can no longer hear them. Breakfast is a sad occurrence. I order oatmeal and juice because there’s no point in wasting anyone’s money when I can’t taste it. Robbie doesn’t try to carry on a conversation, and Harley seems content to color on the paper kid’s menu.
The park is pretty active since so many kids are out playing with new Christmas toys. Harley, being the sweetheart he’s always been, is just as excited for his new soccer ball as the other kids are with their new expensive drones and remote-controlled cars. Robbie is awful at soccer, and before long, Harley finds another kid willing to play with him and gives his dad a break.
“If I had half his energy,” Robbie says as he falls to the bench beside me.
“Seriously,” I mutter, keeping my eyes on Harley as he plays.
I had every intention of walking around the park, but I’m just not feeling it now.
“I’m sorry for you having to do this all by yourself all these years.” I can feel his eyes on me, but I refuse to turn my eyes to him. “You’ve done really well with him.”
I nod. It’s the best he’s going to get.
“I know he wouldn’t be as well rounded as he is if I weren’t locked up.”
Now I turn myself to face him.
“That’s where you’re wrong.” He frowns. “I will always put him first. Even if you were out and pulling all the stupid shit you pulled back then, he would’ve come first. He would be exactly who he is now despite who you ended up being.”
He nods, swallowing as he looks away. “He’s lucky he has you.”
“I’ve made a lot of sacrifices for that child, and I’ll continue to do so, but I swear, Robbie, if you start this poor me bullshit right now, I’ll lose it.”
“The fuck am I supposed to do, Luce?”
“Be better. Do better. Get a job. Be there for your son.”
“That shit’s hard.”
“Life is fucking hard, Rob. Welcome to reality. I didn’t quit. I never gave up. I’m not going to sit here and give you permission to. He won’t understand if you do. He won’t forgive you if you do.”
He turns his face back in my direction. “Okay.”
Simple.
I think it’s the realest conversation we’ve ever had.
Chapter 16
Snake
Sleep after she left was impossible, but I didn’t chance climbing out of bed. Sitting up meant putting clothes on. Getting dressed would only lead to me grabbing the keys to the truck. I wouldn’t jump on my bike because it would be impossible to scoop both her and Harley up and drag them back here until she listened to reason. The truck would be the only way to accomplish that.