‘Let me decide that.’
‘No, I won’t, actually. I won’t agree to a half life here that dwindles away to nothing when you decide you’re done with me—’
‘I wouldn’t,’ he shot back, his voice rising to a roar. ‘I would never abandon a marriage.’
‘Like I did?’ The hurt spilling from her didn’t make sense. She was so angry and so sad, and it felt as if nothing could make things better.
‘Like your mother did,’ Antonios answered. ‘Because life wasn’t what she expected. Was that why you left, Lindsay? Because life wasn’t what you expected?’
She felt the blood drain from her face, empty from her head. ‘I can’t believe you said that.’
‘Damn it, I’m trying to fight for our marriage. To find a compromise. What is so wrong about that?’
‘Because the compromise rests on the assumption that I have to stay here in Greece and try to be your perfect little wife,’ Lindsay snapped. ‘And you never even asked if I wanted that.’
‘I’m a traditional man,’ Antonios answered tightly. ‘Naturally I would expect my wife to have her place with me. And you told me you wanted to go to Greece, that there was nothing left for you in New York.’
‘And I’ve told you since then,’ Lindsay reminded him, ‘that I was feeling particularly lonely and vulnerable when you asked me. But the truth is, Antonios, I did have a life in New York. Maybe it was a small one, with just a few friends, a little job. But I liked it. I don’t want to give that all up just to be a shadow of the woman you want.’
They stared at each other, the anger and tension between them palpable in the cool night air. Antonios threw down his napkin on the table.
‘Theos, I don’t know what I can do,’ he muttered, raking a hand through his hair.
Lindsay stared down at her plate as she blinked back tears. Maybe she was being unreasonable. Unfair. Antonios had created this lovely romantic dinner, was trying to find ways to make her—their—life in Greece possible. And she just kept insisting it wouldn’t—couldn’t—work.
Maybe she needed to give a little. Find a way to make their marriage, their life together possible. Antonios was willing to be flexible; surely she could be, too. She could look into professorships at universities in Greece, or even do some private tutoring. Something. If she loved him she would try, wouldn’t she?
Try to be someone you really aren’t? Was that what love was?
‘I never considered that coming to Greece would be difficult for you,’ Antonios finally said, the words drawn from him slowly. ‘I was so eager to bring you here, to have you share in my life. Because I was lonely, too, Lindsay. I needed you, even if you didn’t think I did.’
Lindsay’s throat had thickened so it hurt to get the words out. ‘Antonios...’
‘And I want you to want to share it,’ he continued. ‘But you don’t.’
Lindsay felt a tear slide down her cheek. ‘It’s not that simple.’
‘Isn’t it?’ He gazed at her bleakly. ‘Isn’t it, Lindsay? You don’t even want to try.’
Because I’m afraid of failing. Because I’m afraid you’ll reject me, hurt me, leave me.
The realization was painful in its clarity. This wasn’t even about expectations, or living here, or whether she could teach in Greece. It was about fear—a fear she’d held on to since she was nine years old and her mother had walked out on her because she hadn’t been enough.
She was so afraid of that happening again. More afraid than she’d ever admitted to herself.
She remembered when Antonios had asked her to marry him, to go with him to Greece.
They’d been lying on the huge king-sized bed in his suite at the Plaza, their legs tangled together, their hearts still beating fast from the lovemaking they’d just shared.
Antonios had twined his fingers with hers, ran his other hand up her bare thigh, resting it on the curve of her hip. ‘I never thought I’d fall in love like this,’ he’d told her, his voice husky with emotion. ‘I never thought I’d be so lucky.’
Lindsay had blinked back tears as she’d answered, ‘I never thought I would, either.’
‘We’re the luckiest people in the world,’ he’d said with a smile before kissing her softly. And she’d agreed with him. She’d felt as if she’d won the lottery when she’d met Antonios. She’d felt like the most loved, adored and cherished woman in the world. After her lonely life, it had been the most incredible feeling.
And it had felt even more incredible when he’d risen onto his knees and taken her hands in his. ‘I love you, Lindsay, more than anything. Will you be my wife?’
She’d seen the love shining in his eyes, felt it in herself. She hadn’t had to think for so much as a millisecond before answering. ‘Yes, Antonios. I’ll marry you.’
They’d got married the next day, at a register office by special licence. It had been crazy and impulsive, and maybe that was because they’d both known that if they’d told people, Lindsay’s colleagues or Antonios’s family, someone would have talked them out of it. Advised them to wait.
And if they had waited?
Maybe they wouldn’t be married after all.
But they were married, and they did love each other. And maybe that really could be enough.
‘I never felt like I was good enough for my mother,’ she told him slowly, haltingly. ‘I felt like I always disappointed her, and that made me more anxious than anything else. She used to give me the silent treatment after I’d let her down. Once she didn’t talk to me for a week.’
Antonios’s face twisted with both sympathy and grief. ‘And that was terrible, Lindsay. A terrible, terrible thing to endure.’
‘And it affected me more than I’d ever let myself realize,’ Lindsay continued. ‘But I know now I can never let myself feel that way again. I can never let someone make me feel that way again.’
Antonios’s expression darkened. ‘And I would never do that to you.’
‘But don’t you see, Antonios, how it is?’ Desperation edged her voice and her hands curled into fists at her sides. ‘I don’t fit in here. I can’t be the kind of wife you need—’
‘Maybe you should let me decide that.’
‘I don’t want you to have to make concessions—’
‘It was just a word, Lindsay, just a stupid word!’ He rose from his chair, took a step towards her. ‘I love you. I fell in love with you in New York, on a snowy afternoon. Maybe it was fast and crazy but it was real, no matter what you said or tried to convince yourself of. What I felt for you, what I feel for you now, is real.’ His voice throbbed with sincerity, the low growl of it reverberating through Lindsay’s chest. ‘And my love—our love—will be enough. I’ll make sure of it. I won’t let you down, I swear. I’ll listen. I’ll see.’
He looked so earnest and determined, and she wanted to believe him so badly. Was fear going to keep her from finding her happiness with this man? Would she let it?
‘Lindsay.’ He rose from his chair, came and dropped to his knees in front of her as he took her hands in his. ‘Trust me. Please.’
Trust him. Trust him with her happiness as well as with her fear. With her heart and with her soul.
‘You’re asking a lot, Antonios,’ she whispered.
‘And I’ll give a lot. I promise.’ His hands tightened on hers.
She stared down at him, this proud, passionate man who was on his knees, begging for her. For her to love him. Her throat was so tight she could barely get the single word that she knew she meant, even if she was still afraid.
‘Yes.’
He looked up at her, a fierce light of hope dawning in his eyes. ‘Yes...?’
‘Yes, Antonios, I’ll try.’
With his eyes still blazing he pulled her face towards his, catching her up in his arms and then kissing her as if he would never stop.
And she never wanted him to.
CHAPTER NINE
AS ANTONIOS’S MOUTH crashed down on Lindsay’s, he realized how long it had been since he’d kissed his wife. They hadn’t kissed yesterday morning when they’d almost made love. They hadn’t kissed, he realized as his tongue plundered the silky depths of her mouth, since she’d said goodbye to him in Greece.
And now she’d said yes. Yes to their marriage, to their love. Yes to him. Triumph and need surged through him and he deepened the kiss, turned it into a demand. He wanted her to give him everything now, not just a hesitant yes from her mouth but a passionate cry from her body. Yes. Yes.
In one fluid movement he pulled the silvery dress up and over her head. She gasped softly, her skin pale and pearl-like in the wash of moonlight.
‘Antonios...’ she whispered, and his name ended on a soft moan as he kissed her again, his hands sliding over her body, remembering the wonderfully familiar feel of her. From the moment he’d first touched her, he’d felt how they fitted, two halves of a whole beautifully joined. Now, as he drew her slender curves towards his, he felt it again, that inalienable rightness of the two of them together. And Lindsay must have felt it, too, for she returned his kiss, her body yielding to his in every way possible.