Nightwolf

“This isn’t the right time,” he says, closing his eyes, as if he’s trying to block me out.

“What the fuck?” I say, not having it, my temper ready to fly. I reach over and smack his arm. “Not the right time for what?!”

“Your mother just died,” he says to me, anger rising in his voice. He opens his eyes and they’re like leaves laced with ice. “She just died. This isn’t the time.”

“No shit she just died! You think I don’t know that?”

“Let’s just talk about this later, in the future.” He puts his hand toward the gear shift, but I reach out and grab his wrist.

“No,” I seethe, holding onto the anger so that I don’t feel my heart breaking again. “No, we are talking about this now. What’s wrong with you?”

“I’m grieving!” he roars at me.

“And so you deal with it by pushing me away!?” I yell right back.

“I can’t be with you!” he says, and it’s like I’ve been blasted in the chest with a shotgun. “Okay? I can’t fucking be with you. It’s not going to work, Amethyst, it never was and you know it.”

I stare at him in horror. My heart is beating so fast that I think I might pass out. The car is filled with the sound of my shallow, ragged breath and it’s as if time slows to a crawl, a painful one, like it’s crawling over broken glass.

He stares right back at me, and for a moment I don’t even recognize him. Wolf? This can’t be my Wolf, he would never say something like this to me, he would never purposefully hurt me, not in a million years.

Then I see the pain in his eyes.

But it’s too late.

I suck in a wavering breath, tears on the verge, and quickly undo my seatbelt and then open the door, stepping out into the mist. I walk quickly, trying to hold back the sob that wants to explode out of me, but I can’t.

I get a few yards from the car and then I’m hunched over as the most violent cry is ripped from my throat and it’s like I’m screaming at the ground. I feel like I’m pure animal now, wounded and trapped and howling for her life.

“Amethyst,” Wolf says, grabbing my arms and pulling me up, but I spin around, press my hands against his chest, trying to push him back. Of course, he doesn’t move.

“Don’t!” I yell at him, hair and tears blurring my sight. “Don’t touch me now! How dare you. How dare you!”

“I’m sorry,” he whispers. “I am, I—”

“You just decided for us that we aren’t going to be together. How dare you get to decide!”

“It won’t work and you know it!” he snaps at me.

“Why not? Tell me why not? Because you don’t love me? Look, I’ll back away, I’ll stop, I’ll understand if you tell me it’s because you’re not in love with me, okay? I will.” I try to catch my breath but it’s so damn hard when my lungs are on fire. “Okay tell me. I can take it. Tell me the truth. Tell me you’re not in love with me.”

Wolf just stares, wheels turning behind those golden green eyes, eyes I love so fucking much that it’s killing me.

“Tell me you’re not in love with me!” I scream, not caring that cars are slowing down as they pass us by.

His Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows uneasily, his jaw moving side-to-side with tension. “I can’t do that.”

I almost explode at his non-answer. “Can’t do what?” I grind out through clenched teeth.

“Tell you I’m not in love with you,” he says, licking his lips. “Because that would be a lie. Because I am in love with you.”

This is how he tells me. On the side of the road, in the fog, with tears streaming down my face. He tells me this now, when my heart is so eager to cling to any form of happiness that it will hang onto his love like a life raft.

“And that’s why this won’t work,” he goes on, and it’s like he’s stuck a pin in the raft and that short burst of happiness is now deflating, bringing me down with it. “Because there’s no way in hell that I’m going to go through something worse than what I’m going through right now.”

I press my hands into my chest. “I don’t understand…”

“You do understand,” he says, piercing me with his gaze. “You know what I am. What you are. You know that you and me, it will never work. It will only end in tragedy.”

“How? You planning on killing me? You drank my blood, Wolf, and you’re fine. I’m fine. You’re saying you won’t be able to control yourself in the future?”

“It’s not that. I can control myself around you. I just…” he shakes his head, looking away. “You’re not going to be around for as long as I will, and one day I will lose you.” He says this so softly I can barely hear him above the passing cars. “You have your whole life ahead of you, but I have more lives than that. I can’t, I won’t, put myself through this pain again. Not with you.”