Rebel Without A Claus

“Right.”

“I’m surprised she didn’t ask if you two had sex.”

“I think my dad showing up stopped her, from what Nicholas said to me. Either way, Dad decided he wanted to go grocery shopping, so I didn’t have to deal with it.”

“He’s better, then?”

“Yeah. He’s still a bit sniffly, but he called his doctor and he said he was fine if he was up to it. He practically skipped out of the door.”

“Weird. Are you sure your mom is putting sugar in the coffee and not cocaine?”

“It would explain a lot,” I muttered.

She reached for a red and silver wreath with pinecones. “This one?”

“Perfect.”

She took it to Aunt Sarina at the counter and paid. We both waved goodbye as we left the barn and started the walk into town.

“Where’s Nicholas now?” Erin asked.

“I think he’s in town trying to get an electric space heater. I think my family scared him, and Gramps wasn’t even awake yet.”

“Ouch. Do you think he’ll stay for Christmas?”

“I don’t think he has a choice.” I adjusted my hat to cover my ears.

She glanced at me. “So what’s going on with you two?”

I sighed and put my hands in my pockets and checked traffic for us to cross the road. “I don’t know. He’s still leaving, but once we both admitted we felt something it just kinda… happened.” I hesitated.

Erin glanced at me. “What?”

“What?”

“You hesitated. What’s on your mind?”

Damn it. Damn best friends you knew you better than you knew yourself. “He’s… been vague about leaving,” I explained awkwardly. “When we were putting his lights up outside, he said he wasn’t sure what he wanted to do, but he wouldn’t elaborate on it. It’s like he’s keeping a secret and it’s weird. He doesn’t owe me anything, but I want to know.”

“Hmm.” She adjusted her grip on the wreath. “You two have had pretty good communication since he came back. Mostly, anyway.”

I snorted.

“Just ask him outright if he’s leaving.”

“He hasn’t said he isn’t when I’ve mentioned it, though?”

She frowned. “Have you talked about his life in Illinois?”

“No. Only that he’s a science teacher. It never really came up. Why?”

“I was wondering if there was maybe something going on there. Him being home for the holidays makes sense given the situation, but why be so weird about leaving again?”

I shrugged and we turned onto the path to the square. “I tried pushing before and he got a bit tetchy about it, so I left it. And claimed the blow-up snowman as my own.”

“Naturally. But that was before, Quinn. Now there’s obviously something between you. He might open up a little now.”

“I don’t know.” I sighed and shuddered as a shiver ran down my spine. “I just… I think I just want to get through Christmas, and we can talk after. The next two days are going to be super busy, then it’s actually Christmas itself. I don’t want to make things weird.”

“Things are already weird.”

“Weirder, then.”

We stopped in the middle of the square and faced each other.

“Look, I don’t blame you. I think waiting is a good idea, but you have to bring it up. You can’t just play happy couple until the last minute.”

“I know.” I smiled. “I don’t even know what we’re playing. We haven’t talked about that, either, and I know I don’t want to bring that up.”

“It is kind of the same conversation,” she noted with a sigh. “You’re right. Let’s get through the next three days, and you guys can talk after that. He’ll be leaving pretty soon after Christmas to get back in time for the next semester.”

“You’re right. I guess I should just enjoy a few days with him.”

She reached over and squeezed my arm. “It’s not the end of the world if he leaves, Quinn. It’s not like he’s in another country. There’s no reason why you couldn’t potentially make something longer-distance work.”

I drew in a deep breath and let it out shakily as I nodded, and we parted ways.

She was right, of course. With the Internet now, it wasn’t like we could only communicate through postcards and handwritten letters. We could talk at the drop of a hat.

A part of me wanted to demand he tell me what was going on, but the rest of me didn’t want to know. The rest of me—the part I’d been ignoring for this very reason—wanted to stay blissfully ignorant and deal with it another day.

It was Christmas, after all.

Perhaps blissfully ignorant was a better thing to be right now.

***

December twenty-third came and went with a fanfare of Christmas songs and snow flurries and mad rushes into stores. More kids than we’d ever seen before passed through the grotto and asked Santa for their most wanted gift this year, and as the day went on, the parents looked more and more frazzled.

By the time the morning of Christmas Eve hit, there was a difference in the town. Sure, there was this weird, frantic kind of energy, but it was wrapped with a lighter one—one that said the madness was almost over and it was time to take a breather and share a few words with neighbors or friends in the street instead of rushing past.