In the Heat of the Spotlight

‘She killed herself.’ Aurelie blinked. Luke stared at her grimly, his gaze unfocused, remembering. ‘I was the only one home. I’d come back from boarding school, Chase and Aaron were still at sports camps. My father was on a business trip.’

‘What happened?’ Aurelie whispered.

‘She was hysterical at first. She’d just found out about another of my father’s mistresses. He always had some bimbo on the side, which is why I’ve been a bit more discerning with my own relationships. I saw what it did to my mother. Anyway—’ he shrugged, as if shaking something off ‘—she sat me down in the living room, told me she loved me. I’d always been the closest to her, really. And then she said she was sorry but she couldn’t go on, dwindling down towards death while my father flaunted his affairs.’ Luke paused, and Aurelie could see how he was gripped by the force of such a terrible memory. ‘I didn’t realise what she meant at first. Then it hit me—she was actually going to kill herself. She’d gone upstairs, and I ran after her, but the door was locked.’ He shook his head. ‘I tried to reason with her. I pleaded, I shouted, I even cried. But all I got was silence.’

‘Oh, Luke.’ Tears stung her eyes as she imagined such a terrible, desperate scene.

‘I tried to break the door open, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t.’ His voice broke, and Aurelie felt something in her break too.

‘I believe you,’ she whispered.

‘In the end I called 911 but it was too late. She’d slipped into a coma by the time the medics arrived, and she died later that night, from a drug overdose. Anti-depressants.’

Oh, God. So much made sense to her now. She blinked, swiped at her eyes. ‘I’m so sorry.’

‘So am I. I’m sorry I’ve let that whole awful episode define and cripple me for so many years. My father blamed me, you see, and so I blamed myself. He said I could have saved her, that I was the only one, that I should have done something. For so long I believed him. I told myself I didn’t, but inside? Where it counts? I did. I spent years trying to earn back his trust and respect. His love. And he died without ever giving it to me.’ Luke drew a deep breath, met her gaze with a stony one of his own. ‘I should have told you this before. I thought it didn’t matter, that I’d put it all behind me, but I’ve been doing the same thing with you, haven’t I? I even told you I was. I was trying to earn your trust. I was trying to save you and I can’t.’

‘I don’t want you to save me,’ Aurelie whispered.

‘Then what do you want, Aurelie? Because I’m done with trying to prove myself. You’re either in or you’re out. You either love me or you don’t.’

Love. She swallowed, her mouth dry, her heart pounding like crazy. ‘Luke—’

‘I love you. Do you love me?’

Yes. She wanted to say it, felt it buoy up inside her, the pressure building and building, but no words came out. She was still so afraid. Afraid of losing herself, giving up control—

‘I see,’ Luke said quietly.

‘It’s not that simple,’ she whispered.

Luke stared at her for a long moment. He looked so unyielding, yet a bleak sorrow flickered in the dark depths of his eyes. ‘Actually,’ he said, ‘it is.’

Without another word, he turned and walked out of the room.

* * *

The flight back to New York was a blur, as was the drive up to Vermont. Aurelie arrived back at her grandma’s house twenty-four hours after she’d left Tokyo. Left Luke, and her heart with him.

She dropped her bags by the door and walked through the rooms like a sleepwalker. She’d only been gone a little less than two weeks, yet it felt like forever. She’d lived a lifetime in the space of ten days. Lived and died.

For she was back exactly where she’d started, where she’d been stuck for years. Alone, hopeless, unable to change.

Just the memory of the hard, blazing look on Luke’s face as he asked her if she loved him made her cringe and want to cry. She’d been too much of a coward to admit the truth, to take that leap.

She’d failed him, and failed herself. Fear rather than trust—love—had guided her actions.