The Scandalous Lady Sandford (Lost Ladies of London 3)

Fabian slipped into the room as he’d done hours before when he found Lillian sleeping in his bed. But the bed was empty. His head shot to the chairs flanking the fire, but they were empty, too.

Where the devil was she?

A sigh left his lips. With the intruder caught, she had no need to sleep in his bedchamber. Fabian strode over to the door joining their rooms. It creaked open, the sound loud enough to alert the whole castle of his movements let alone the shadowy figure sitting hunched on the edge of the bed.

“Lillian?”

The icy chill in the air sent a shiver from his shoulders to his toes. The room was dark, except for the patchwork of silver shapes on the floor where slivers of moonlight streamed through the leaded window.

“Lillian?”

She failed to answer.

“Lilly?” It was a name he’d used before. The name of the sweet girl he remembered. The name of the girl untroubled by etiquette and gossip, the one who thought life was an adventure.

She raised her head. “No one calls me Lilly, not even Vane.” Her croaky voice caught in her throat.

“I recall you used to like it.”

“Say it again.”

“Come, Lilly, it’s too cold in here.” Fabian moved closer. She was still wearing his coat. He reached for her hands and pulled her to her feet. “Come and sit by the fire.”

When he met her gaze, the sight sent a stabbing pain right through his heart. Her eyes were sunken and rimmed with brown shadows, the whites littered with red veins. Blotchy cheeks confirmed she’d shed many tears, yet the cause of her torment still lingered in the hazel pools.

“Forgive me.” The words tumbled out of his mouth. Guilt surfaced like an angry Poseidon,

trident in hand ready to prod him for his misdeeds. Fabian gripped her hands tightly. “Forgive me for behaving like a selfish scoundrel. I should not have brought you here. I should have left you in peace.”

“Peace?” Water filled her eyes. A single drop trickled down her nose. “Is there such a thing?”

Feeling an urgent need to soothe her, he cradled her cheeks. “If there is, I’m yet to find it. But I shall not stop looking until I do.”

A weak smile formed. “Perhaps we could search together.”

He bent his head and pressed his lips to hers. The taste of her fed the obsession he’d been harbouring ever since her arrival — for years before that. He broke contact. “I want you to tell me everything.”

She swallowed deeply. “Don’t ask me to relive the memory. I wake each morning with a desperate need to remember some things, dreading the thought of remembering others.”

During the years since Estelle’s supposed death, he’d experienced a similar feeling, wanting to remember, wanting to forget. “Emotional pain is like a festering wound. One ignores it at their peril. Tell me what you want me to do, and I shall do it.”

“Vane said that, too, just before you abducted me from Vauxhall.”

The comment poked at his conscience. “Then I shall take you back to Vane. Focus my efforts on finding Estelle without him, as I should have done in the beginning.” The thought of losing Lillian robbed him of breath.

“You don’t want me to stay?” A tear fell, the droplet hitting her cheek.

“Of course I want you to stay.” He gripped her shoulders. “But I was wrong to play on your weaknesses, wrong to leave you with limited options.”

“I want to stay.” She swallowed a whimper. “You’re my husband. I have nothing else. If I cannot make this work what hope is there?”

The words were sweet music to his ears. “Then allow me to be your husband. Confide in me. Tell me your deepest desires, your darkest secrets. Know I shall not judge you as others are wont to do.”

She put a trembling hand to his cheek. The intimacy of the moment touched his soul. “You must help me, Fabian. I do not know who I am. I stare at the looking glass and hardly recognise myself.”

“You’re Lilly.” He forced a grin. “You’re the woman who wants to live, not wallow in sorrow.”

She blinked, and her eyes brightened. “Then you must remind me of it often.” She paused, her gaze dipping to the opening of his shirt. “Let us return to your room. It’s too cold in here, and I’m numb to my bones.” She took his hand and led him through the connecting door.