What You Desire (Anything for Love 1)

Sophie sat back down on the bench and sighed. “There are many ways to make one laugh, Charlotte, without resorting to the ridiculous.”

“There is nothing ridiculous about love.” Charlotte took Sophie’s hand in hers, perhaps to prevent her from jumping up again. “And you certainly love him.” She gripped Sophie’s hand a little tighter. “There it is said,” she shrugged. She turned and looked around the garden as though that was the end of the matter.

“Now I know you are being ridiculous,” Sophie protested. “I do not even like him that much.” Well, that was a lie. She liked him a great deal and could not deny she was attracted to him in a physical sense. However, while she had changed her opinion of him over the last few days, she could not forgive him for the way he had shirked his responsibilities.

“Oh, look, over there on the bird bath.” Charlotte pointed to two robins that had just flown down and were balancing quite precariously on the edge. “I have heard it said that robins are symbolic of new beginnings.” With a sparkle in her eyes, she placed her hands over her stomach. “Well, I suppose a baby is a new beginning and falling in love always heralds a new beginning. Do you think our little robins are also in love?”

“I am not in love with him and I do not —”

“I do not believe you,” Charlotte interrupted with a wave of her hand. “One doth protest far too much.”

“I will not deny he holds a certain fascination,” Sophie began determined to be as candid as possible in order to prove her point. “But I could not possibly love a man who whored his way around Europe while his tenants were left to rot in squalor.” Sophie regretted the words as soon as they had left her lips. She did not want to cast aspersions on Dudley Spencer’s character or cause Charlotte any distress, particularly in her fragile condition.

“Who told you that?” Charlotte snapped.

“Told me what?” Sophie did not have the heart to repeat it again.

“Who told you Sebastian whored his way around Europe?” Charlotte sounded annoyed. “Because they most certainly are not talking about the man who is sitting in there

,” she shouted, her face a little flush as she stabbed her finger towards the house.

“I’m sorry,” Sophie cried. “The last thing I wanted to do was cause you any distress. In the village, it’s common knowledge the marquess used money from his estate to fund a rather unconventional grand tour. The tenants have been suffering for years as a consequence.”

Charlotte stared at her with a look of utter disbelief. “My dear,” she began in a much more composed manner. “Are you telling me you believed these lies, you believed Sebastian was capable of such selfishness, such cruelty and yet you still consented to be his mistress?” Charlotte suddenly clapped her hands in joy. “Oh, you are definitely in love with him.”

Sophie did not know which charge to dispute first. The fact Charlotte believed the villagers of Marchampton were liars or the fact she believed Sophie was Dane’s mistress.

“You’re letting your emotions run away with you,” Sophie said respectfully, as though they had been friends for years and could say anything to one another. “I know we agreed to be honest, but perhaps it is best to restrict our topics to things of a less personal nature.” Sophie could feel the heat rising to her face and bowed her head as realisation dawned.

She was, essentially, Dane’s mistress.

To respectable society, her loss of innocence also meant the loss of her reputation and as such, she would be deemed unsuitable company for any lady, including Charlotte Spencer. But that was not what saddened her.

Suddenly, the tears began to fall.

“Oh, please to do not cry.” Charlotte took both of Sophie’s hands in hers. “It is my fault for pushing you on the matter. I should have respected your privacy. It is just that Sebastian is so very dear to me and …”

“Forgive me, I am just being silly.” Sophie sniffed as she dabbed the corner of her eye with the pad of her finger. “I don’t even know why I’m crying,” she said. “It is not like me at all.”

“You have had a lot to contend with these past few days and …” Charlotte paused and lowered her head to look into Sophie’s eyes. “When a woman gives herself to a man for the first time it can be an overwhelming experience. But it is of no consequence, you will marry him and all will be well.” She looked back over her shoulder and then turned to Sophie and whispered. “When I married Dudley, I was already carrying his child. Look how well that has turned out.”

Sophie was surprised by her confession, but there was a huge distinction between them. No one could mistake Dudley Spencer’s love for his wife. Dane, on the other hand, had said quite openly it was his duty to marry. Not once had he mentioned love as a deciding factor. Regardless of whatever it was she felt for him, she could never marry a man who did not love her above all else.

“I’m sorry, Charlotte, but I can never marry. I am too tempestuous, too irresponsible, and too stubborn to be someone’s wife or mother.” And what gentleman would want a wife like that, she added silently, certainly not a peer in need of an unblemished bloodline. “The truth is I like being Mr. Shandy on occasion. I like riding out with the wind in my hair and swimming in the lake in just my chemise.”

Charlotte smiled. “And you do not believe Sebastian would accept you doing such things? The fact you are sitting here in gentleman’s clothes is a testament to his unconventionality.”

“I did not give him much choice in the matter,” she snorted, remembering how angry he had been as he rode along Keepers Lane to find her sitting astride Argo in a pair of gentleman’s breeches. “I do not think he is as unconventional as he would have us believe. Besides, if Westlands is to thrive, he needs a more refined lady at his side. One who can inspire confidence in his tenants, one who will overlook his indiscretions.”

Charlotte looked puzzled. “I should think the years he has devoted to recouping the estates losses would inspire confidence in itself. Do the tenants know that if it wasn’t for Sebastian they would all be destitute?” Charlotte folded her arms across her chest in exasperation. “In his youth, I do not doubt he had his fair share of admirers. But during the last six years, he has devoted himself entirely to his estate. He has not had time to sleep let alone whore his way around Europe,” she cried.

Sophie did not want to dampen the woman’s admiration further. “Charlotte, please calm down. You must think of the baby.” Sophie placed a hand on Charlotte’s shoulder. “I understand he is a very dear friend to you …”

Charlotte grasped the hand at her shoulder tightly. “You do not understand. I could never repay Sebastian or Dudley for what they have done for me. Although at least with Dudley, I can show him how much I care.” Charlotte looked away into the distance, her green eyes full of pain. “One day I will tell you the story,” she whispered, “but for now it is enough for you to know that Sebastian is a selfless man, a man who risked his life rescuing me from a hell-hole in France. I shall never forget the moment when I looked up from my straw bed and saw his face, bloody and bruised, yet he still had a smile for me.”

Sophie was momentarily speechless.

Images flooded her mind: Charlotte lying on the floor in some rat-infested dungeon, her face smudged with dirt, her clothes ragged. Sebastian dressed in nothing but a pair of tight, buckskin breeches, carrying the helpless woman to safety as she clung on to his muscular, bronzed shoulders.